Operation: Eat Like An Adult

Y'all...I eat like a 5 year old. Srsly. It's not even funny any more. I've decided that if I'm ever going to be healthy enough to grow a human being, I need to start eating better. Between my family history and diet habits, I am most definitely going to contract diabetes and or some form of cancer someday. Gestational diabetes is almost a certainty if I can ever talk my husband into procreating. I know that the change has to start with my diet. If I'm going to be a better, more energetic, healthier person/momma, I have to do like MJ says and start with the man (or woman) in the mirror.

You're welcome.

Now, let me apply a disclaimer and state that I am not starting any sort of diet or program. I'm not looking for a temporary weight loss solution. I'm looking for a life style change that fits my goals and will-power. For the love of gawd, I do not want to borrow your book on Paleo. K? K.

I'm not listening!

I am going to change the following:

No More Sodas!

Read my lips...no more soda, pop, cokes, or anything else that carbonated high fructose corn syrup is called. I've done this before but I'm going to make sure all of you hold me accountable to this long term. When I've cut out sodas in the past, I've instantly slimmed down. Again, my weight is not what I'm concerned about in this venture but my health. My aunt used to drink a few sodas a day and she got kidney stones. I know that if I don't cut them out, I'll be along that path. I do NOT want to experience kidney stones. Yikes.

Less Sugar!

I hate to admit this, but I freaking love sugar. I love all things sugar related. And I'm not just talking candy here, I'm talking about desserts, carbs that turn into sugar, natural sugars like fruit, and coffee syrups. OMG the coffee syrups. It's no secret that my love for Starbucks and the like knows no bound. I have a freaking gold card for goodness' sake. But I don't like my coffee, latte, or cappuccino black. No sir. I want that coffee to double as dessert. When I drink a latte, it's like I can actually hear myself getting fatter (gold star if you get that reference). So I'm going to use more splenda and cut back on the sugary syrups. Who knows, maybe one day I can drink my coffee black. I'm also giving up the little kid breakfast cereals. Bye bye Count Chocula...hello Special K!

More Veggies!

I'm really pretty good about eating my veggies. I love salads, even with spinach leaves. Granted, I freaking hate cooked spinach, but throw some raw leaves in my salad and I'm a happy camper. Bell peppers...that rings my bell. Cucumbers...not just for disgusting jokes anymore. Squash...yeah still pretty gross but I'll work on it. I've read (somewhere on the interwebs, not sure where) that veggies can lessen the risk for breast cancer...a major scare for me (and probably my husband).

Less Fried Foods

For the last 26 years "grease" has been the word. Not anymore. Case in point: my friend invited me out for Mexican today for lunch. Rather than getting grilled chicken, I chose the taco/cheese enchilada plate. Right now I have heartburn so bad I'm miserable. Why did i get that awful lunch? Why didn't I just say, Not today. Today I packed a healthy lunch so I'm going to have that instead. Idiot. Now I will hate myself until I can, maybe, quell the raging inferno in my chest with Tums when I get home...an hour and a half from now. Damn tacos! Damn all the tacos!

So for now friends, I ask for your support. Not your judgement or nit-picking. I will be healthy enough to have a baby some day. I just hope that day comes sooner than later. The older I get, the harder it's going to be

*cough cough that's what she said cough cough

 

YTT/WW: A Match Made in Disney Heaven

This week's YouTube Tuesday and Wedding Wednesday combine together to celebrate the nuptuals of my lovely Aunt Christina and her new husband Bill.

A little back story...

My mom's step-sister and brother (my aunt and uncle) are several years younger than my mom, making them not too many years older than me. So when I spent my summers with my grandparents, it was like gaining older siblings for a few months. It freaking rocked. I was close enough in age to hang out with them (because they're super nice) but young enough for them to still think I'm cute and not entirely a pain in the ass. It probably helped that I worshiped them like gods because they were teenagers and that was the highest form of cool in my world.

My aunt Christina has always had a serious thing for Disney movies. Like, she could put the Walt Disney World Guest Services people to shame. She even named her beautiful daughter, my Jr. Bridesmaid, Jasmine. I'm tossing around the idea of a "Bullseye" or "Nemo" myself. JK.

So in her and her new hubby prince's honor, here's a YouTube video of Disney (and some Fox Animation..smh) wedding scenes.

Chris, you outshone everyone of these princesses on Saturday. You were BEAUTIFUL. I'm just so sorry I couldn't be there. They really should make Texas and Michigan closer.

personal photo of the BEAUTIFUL bride via Aunt Linds

I have one more video for you today. It's not wedding related but it is Disney Princesses. If you're ever having a bad day, like for instance, you are missing out on one of your favorite-people-in-the-world's wedding, just watch this. It won't heal the hurt, but it will put a smile on your face.

You Go Glen Coco.

Movie Review Monday: Looper

Last weekend (sorry for the delay) the hubs and I made the journey into town to see Joseph Gordon Levitt's new film "Looper." Um, wow. First let me start off by saying, we are major MAJOR major JGL fans in this house. Like, the fact that my husband's first name is the name of a JGL character kind of sealed the deal for me. And Cam's had a pretty serious man-crush on him since 50/50, possibly since even before then. For me, it was "Angels in the Outfield" when I was 7. Hells yeah. So, it goes without saying that we. were. stoked. for "Looper."

Whoa.

Although "Looper" is set in the pretty near future, 2044, it isn't your average cautionary tale. The same themes were there as other "future" films...drugs, sex, and crime overload. But there wasn't a sob story moral of how we should change our lives now so the world doesn't go to Hell in a hand basket. That was slightly refreshing...but also scary as crap. According to this movie, shit's about to get real...and not in a good way.

I thought it was super long, but the film is really only 2 hours long. You're pumped with information for a long time before you really figure anything out and the whole thing feels like the climax of the movie. There's not a lot of build-up. Just OMG this is the craziest thing ever...no now this is...no wait, holy crap!

I took 5 things from this movie:

1. I will never be able to take the dad from "Raising Hope" seriously.

2. Bruce Willis was, is, and always will be a BAMF.

3. One day the whole world will be a city, just like in Star Wars.

Actually, Toto, we really are still in Kansas.

4. Little kids are terrifying.

(I can't find a picture of this on the entire Internet, but just take my word on this one.)

5. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a thespian genius. Somebody give this kid every award available.

Srsly...what can he NOT do?

I don't care...

What your political stance is. No really. Stop it. Don't you do it. Don't you comment on this with your own garbage. This is not the place.

I DO want you to watch this video though and just try not to laugh. I dare you. I watched this on my lunch break today thanks to the ladies at hahasforhoohas.com and I didn't just lol. I simultaneously lol'ed to the point of tears whilst choking on my Jimmy Johns and trying not to alert those in my office around me. Trust me, you need this in your life. Even if you're having THE. BEST. DAY. EVER. you will have an even better day after viewing this. Go on. Enrich your lives.

It's time to party, chumps.

Movie Review....yeah I suck at timing

Are you really surprised I didn't get my movie review out yesterday on time? You shouldn't be. Despite the fact that I own no less than 4 calendars that I reference everyday, I'm still behind on like everything. So, my bad. Also, there will probably not be a YouTube Tuesday today, because I have other shiz to do after writing this. Any apologies to those of you who can't work YouTube without me (I'm lookin' at you Dude).

Anywhoodle...this week we watched Blue Valentine starring Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams.

image via imdb.com

Now, before you let the movie poster sway you, don't. This is not your typical romance, Jesus knows it's not a Rom-Com. Dear hipster girls, if you were looking for a good I've-got-PMS-and-I-need-to-cry-my-eyes-out movie but P.S. I Love You is just to mainstream, well look no further. This will tug at everyone of your body odorous heart strings.

All-in-all this was a really good film. Damn worth every award that it won when it came out in 2010 (that's 20 nods and 3 wins, including an Oscar nomination). What it does is show you a typical family living day to day life. Adorable kid and goofy dad totally pissing off a busy and no-nonsense but loving mom. You start to feel bad for everyone involved. Poor Mom can't get her family to cooperate. Poor Dad can't catch a break for having fun with his daughter. Poor kid misses her run-away dog. Then-omg-then it shows how they got there...a side we almost never see in a movie. It's always one or the other. It's either a movie about how a young beautiful star-crossed couple meets and then fin. Or it's about a dysfunctional family and how they make it work. Not this movie. Oh no. It's both except the ending is closer to real life. I won't give it away but just know that by the end of the movie I looked like somebody had just told me chocolate was outlawed. In-freaking-consolable. I cried so hard my eyes burned for like an hour. Redic.

Oh oh oh! The other thing about this film, they make Ryan Gosling look like Ryan GROSSling...excuse me while I take a moment to laugh at my hilarious self. No seriously, take the hunkiest man alive and give him a receding hairline, an insatiable smoking habit, creepy facial hair, and the fugliest glasses known to man and you have his "present" day character. Oh the magic of the movies never ceases to amaze me.

Hey girl, let me melt your insides with my ukulele.

Hey Girl, let's share a Pabst over my copy of Guns N Ammo

All the while his character doesn't lose his love-for-life charm that he had in his youth, it's sort of annoying when he's not super hot too. Take note guys: if you're going to act like you're 20, look like it too. Otherwise grow up and stop eating raisins off the table. 

Also...ladies, please see Michelle Williams' character as a cautionary tale. Yes, life sucks and marriage is hard. Especially when you rush into it (def not the case here!). Don't let all of the bad stuff suck out the good. Even if your husband used to be a hunk and now looks like hell, give him a break. He's might need some help with his drinking (and his wardrobe) but if he's a good dad and a good husband, appreciate it. Appreciate each other. Life is hard enough as it is, lean on each other through the hard times rather than push each other away. Obviously, if you absolutely can't make it work, don't let your kids suffer. They need to know how to resolve conflict but if there isn't anything but conflict then don't make them live in a home without love. Two homes with love is better than one with hate.

I give Blue Valentine an A. Art imitates life in this film, and we as viewers should learn from Dean and Cindy.