Birthday Schmirthday (NWR)

Alternatively Titled: How I still suck at life after 26 years

***Excuse me for taking a moment from regaling the tales of the wedding of the century (ok that might be an exaggeration...the wedding of the decade is probably more fitting)

No I'm not going to bum you out with a post about how my life sucks-waaa waa-boo hoo. I just think the events of this special day have been unreasonably sucky and would make one helluva comedy starring Elizabeth Banks. The only way to fully explain this is in time format.

The Evening Before ~

9:46 pm: Text from hubby letting me know he's working all weekend and I won't be seeing him until next weekend. Wonderful. This transition period really puts the "blah" in "Wedded Bliss."

10:30pm: Try not to give the husband a massive guilt trip all the while explaining that two weeks apart totally sucks. Go to sleep crying...I have no idea why I was so upset. Maybe because I rely on him to make me feel like my life isn't a total crap-shoot (a feeling that has been ever-present while this birthday approached. Getting older sucks big ones.) Maybe because birthdays can make someone feel even more alone in life than usual.

The Morning of~

6:00 am: Alarm goes off. Hit snooze.

6:09 am: Alarm goes off. Reset alarm for 6:39.

7:18 am: Wake up to sound of garbage truck. Wait? What happened to 6:39? Oh, I set that shiz for pm. B-E-A-UTIFUL. I need to leave the house in exactly 7 minutes.

7:20 am: Brush my teeth and put contacts in at same time. Get toothpaste in my eye.

7:25 am: iPhone alerts me that it is time to leave the house. Scream from the top of my lungs, "I know asshole! Where were you an hour ago?!"

7:30 am: Pack make-up in awesome new diaper bag monster sized purse and head out the door.

7:31 am: Realize the dogs haven't been let out. Go back inside and let the dogs out. Get sweet "happy birthday" slobber kisses on freshly cleaned pants.

7:33 am: Head to work. Only get cut-off 3 times. That's actually pretty good. Gotye would be impressed.


source

7:57 am: Park the car and walk to the front door at work. Next door a sign is being installed for the incoming Great Clips. Get hit on by the sign guy who I'm pretty sure is Bam Margera's uncle Don Vito. Well at least with un-straightened shit hair and no make-up, someone wants to hit this.

8:00 am: Clock-in and commence saying Thank you to everyone and their dog on Facebook.
          *Side note: There is no way Hollywood could ever remake Sixteen Candles now thanks to Facebook. Instead of Molly Ringwald's family forgetting her birthday, she would spend the whole movie thanking her pals from kindergarten for posting on her timeline...but just waiting for Jake Ryan's super cool-super smooth comment. Is it weird that the thought of Jake Ryan still makes me weak in the knees? Probably.
 

Every girl's birthday dream

8:15 - 8:30 am: Apply make-up at work like a girl in the Jr. High bathroom.

 8:30 - 9:30 am: Actually do work.

9:30 am: Get a very awkward text from someone who walked out of my life months ago. Decide I need Starbucks in my life right this second.

9:35 am: Walk to the Target next door...in heels. BTW I'm a total n0ob at walking in heels. Oh God, the blisters have started already.

9:40 am: Manage to not fall down. Success! Oh, they're out of the fruit bowl I so enjoy. Grab a bowl full of mainly strawberries and blueberries. The one skanky looking mango slice makes it a Tropical Fruit Blend. Hmm...

9:45 am: Go to the in-Target Starbucks where they practically know my blood-type I'm here so much. Order a grande zebra frapp (with free extra syrup! huzzah!) Clamber back to work avoiding eye contact with the aforementioned Don Vito impersonator.

9:50 am: Open fruit bowl at desk. Skanky looking mango slice is indeed skanky. It's pretty much a slice of yellow rubber. The strawberries are mushed but hey, i found a kiwi slice that doesn't suck at all!

10:00 am: Push lame-excuse-for-fruit aside and resume Facebook thanking.

10:05 am - 12pm: Actually do work. Text husband. Successfully cheer up.

12:05 pm: DrawSomething (this has taken over my life)

12:15 pm: Check the Chive app for amusement. Succeed.

12:20 pm: Clock out for lunch and head to Subway for the Wednesday sub-of-the-day (Turkey Breast - my fave)

12:30 pm: Freak. The. Eff. Out. in the Subway parking lot. There are like 4 parking spots at this particular Subway and being that it is the lunch rush, all humanity has broken down into chaos. There were two cars already "vulture-ing" people walking out of the restaurant with their blinkers in full force. It was like college revisited. (If you don't get that reference, you clearly did not go to Tarleton)

12:40 pm: Attempt to drive across the street without a major accident. Wind up in the Taco Bell drive-thru lane. What the hell, I'll just go with it.

12:45 pm: God shines a ray of light on me and plays Mumford and Sons and Foo Fighters in succession on the radio. No, God does not work at 101X but I have to assume He put those in the play-list for me. Ya know, so I didn't go all "Allsups" on Taco Bell. Divine intervention is a many splendid thing.

12:50 pm: Shove not one, not two, but three taco supremes in my gullet like I'm in some sort of Cinco de Mayo eating competition from Hell.

12:55 pm: Drop sour cream on my favorite work shirt. Were you really surprised by this? Well you shouldn't be.

1:00 pm: Make it back to work in one piece thank the good Lord.

1:05 - 4:00pm: Actually do work...while watching my latest obsession, "The Tudors," on Netflix.


Jonathan Rhys Meyers makes me lose my head too, ladies

 4:00 - 4:30 pm: Blog about shit day.

I'm done whining now, friends. I have a six pack of woodchuck sitting in my fridge waiting on me. Hopefully, the traffic gods will smile down on me and I will see my dear woodchucks in due time.

Have a fantastic evening!

~ Mrs. Chatkins

Morning Glory

After I left my friends' hotel room, I settled into my own room. I washed my make-up off, brushed my hair, and snuggled into bed reveling in my last few moments on this side of being married. I swallowed some generic Unisom to ensure I would not lay awake all night with jitters like I did the night before BM M's wedding. Kids, do not take sleeping pills. Do as I say not as I do! I texted my fiance good-night for the last time and fell asleep to the sweet sweet sounds of That 70s Show reruns. At midnight almost on the dot I woke up with a jolt.

Oh. Holy. Shit. I left all of my jewelry in Austin. Along with the beautiful long silk sash to wrap around my dress. To say that I panicked is an understatement. I was so freaked I almost picked up my purse and drove the three hours to retrieve the lonely "Wedding Day Accessory" shoe-box from my closet. I didn't want to bother my bridesmaids if they were actually sleeping. I turned to the one person who I knew could take the reigns in just about any situation, my step-momma. She has an uncanny ability to make shit happen. Gusto is what that woman has. I sent her a frantic text hoping she would wake up and see it. Like any sane normal person, she told me that we would fix it in the morning. The wedding wasn't until 6 p.m. (ha! to all of the "why so late?" naysayers) so we had plenty of time to find new jewels.

I snuggled back under the covers and tried to let the generic Unisom do it's job. Luckily, and I credit this entirely to God and the fine people at Equate (The Sam's Choice of pharmaceutical products), I did sleep that night. I mean, a bride with black bags under her eyes is so passe. I woke up in my usual fashion, three minutes before the alarm. Why does that happen to me every day?! I packed up my stuff and found my toothbrush but no toothpaste. Awesome. I'm getting married today with stank breath. When I texted my ladies to make sure they were up, they assured me they had toothpaste. I grabbed my bags and trudged to their room. The blueness from earlier in the week crept over me again as I realized I would not have the accessories with me that I so painstakingly searched for. I realize now how vain and petty this sounds, but bride brain is no laughing matter. Eastland, TX is not exactly known for its access to bridal jewelry.

On our way down we ran into my fam in the continental breakfast room. They saw the look of horror on my face and told me come Hell or high water, they would make sure I got some pearls. Best family ever, guys. MOH P and BM J followed me to Mane Street Salon in time for our 9 o'clock hair appointment.

lookin' hawt with yucky hair and no make-up

After they got settled in with Rebecca, I hauled booty to the few stores in town. There is a Beal's department store but they don't open until 11 and I needed this matter settled ASAP. That's when I turned to Uncle Sam.

No not that Uncle Sam! Dear God, the army would probably give my clumsy ass a sign-on bonus to join the other side!

 

 

Sam Walton

Now that's more like it. I pulled my car into the Eastland Walmart. I remember vividly sitting in my car listening to the rain drizzle down when I got a text from my boss "Happy Wedding day! I'll be thinking of y'all today and hope it's an awesome day!" That's when I realized, who is this sap crying in her car like some poor rendition of Kristin Stewart? Time to buck-up buttercup! If I can do rehearsal in chuck's, then I can certainly rock some wally-world accessories for the wedding. After all, it wouldn't feel like my wedding without a few hiccups. A very kind jewelry associate helped me pick out a pearl necklace, bracelet, and two options for earrings. I feel like she was karma embodied from a time I helped out some poor girl in need when I too was a Walmart Jewelry Associate.

I returned to Mane Street Salon like a victor after battle. After that, MOH P, BM J, hairstylist Rebecca and I just had plain old fun. We blasted music, did the Ellen Dance Dare, planked, and stood brooms up on their own.

All photos courtesy of this ham's facebook

When the FG and JRBM showed up we had even more giggles. JRBM Jazz-ma-taz thought we were crazy for standing up brooms...so we picked on her Michigander accent for a little bit. She's a trooper. I can't believe she's going to be 10 tomorrow. Man oh man. Where does the time go?
I don't have any pictures of her from this special moment. I am appalled that there is not photo evidence of her and Paige arguing over "pop" and "soda." So here's a picture of my dear sweet FG that is always the life of the party:

The Princess showing off her sweet moves

At this point in the story you might be wondering why in the hell we put this darling 4 year old in a shower cap. Well we all had them! Rebecca, our amaze-balls stylist, brought them so that when we left the salon, the rain wouldn't ruin our perfectly coiffed do's.

Personal Photo - don't worry, I do put make up on at some point

And because we are straight-up gangsta...we took our style-saving mode to the next level.

hoodies to shield our goodies

BM J's so gangsta she doesn't need a hoodie

And just like that it was mid-afternoon. We had an hour to chill at the hotel before it was go time! Stay tuned to see the transformation from hot mess to hot bride.

We Rehearse

The wedding party had assembled. The Pastor and DOC  were giving instructions. The parents were deep in discussion over twinkle lights and aisle placement. The bride was shaking in her chucks. No looking back now, we're doing this.

MOH P and BM J bright eyed and bushy tailed *Photo courtesy of MOH P

Armored with the bow-quet made from bows saved from shower gifts, I took a deep breath and handed the reigns over to Brother Stan. After all the planning, diagramming, purchasing, and worrying, this was his show from now on.

He had Cameron and I introduce our respective family and friends who were present. Naturally, I botched even this very first, very simple task. I introduced everyone in the room. I like to think I naturally did this because we're all one big family and group of friends, right? While that is a downright lovely thought, it's probably because my brain was total and complete mush. I was beyond able to take direction. It's a damn wonder I was able to stand in the right place and not have to go sit with the flower girl and her mom.

Flower Girl Gabzilla is far too busy for this wedding crap, clearly she's got some angry birds to play! * Photo courtesy of FG Mom Aunt Linds.

We processed, held hands, practiced a couple of words from our vows, and recessed. It was so quick.

"I promise to, um, love you and stuff" *Photo courtesy of Aunt Linds

I'm so glad Brother Stan was there to walk us through it. I am eternally grateful that there was such a sweet man to instruct everyone where to go and what to do. I probably would have gone looney tunes if it weren't for him. And his prayers! I mean, I know prayer is what he does for a living, but damn dang! That fool can talk to God like a mo-fo! (Just kidding if you're reading this Brother Stan!)

Pastor Stan after the ceremony the next day *Photo courtesy of Illuminate Photography

Rehearsing the Recess like a couple of pros *Photo courtesy of Aunt Linds

Once we rehearsed everything that we could possibly rehearse...it was time to munch!

My amazing in-laws treated us to Hardin's BBQ, an Eastland staple. (Ok, ok, every restaurant in Eastland is a staple there because there's like 5 of them). Though butterflies had officially staked out my tummy as their kingdom, I was able to get in a few bites of brisket and it was delish! I can't even begin to tell you all how much my Michiganders big-puffy-heart LOVED the barbeque. They cleaned their plates faster than some of the Texans! Cute. That's what that is.

Michigander Poppa-of-the-Bride and Me

GMOG (grandmom of the groom) Mady being adorbs as usual *Photo courtesy of MOH P

But the cherry on top? The Cupcake Bar! Way back in July of 2011, my step-mama and I went to a bridal show at a Dillard's here in Austin. That's where we saw The Cupcake Bar, the cutest, most fabulous, most delicious piece of wedding goodness we had ever laid eyes on. We could not stop raving about it, much to the dismay of our respective hubbies. I knew I had to make these awesome people a part of our big day. After MUCH negotiation, the mister and I agreed that they could provide dessert to the rehearsal dinner given that I paid for their entire fee, which was reasonable but not inexpensive by any means.

So what's the big deal about some cupcakes? Why pay a hefty mileage fee for cupcakes? Because it's a freaking Subway/Freebird's/FroYo for cupcakes! You pick your flavor (red velvet, tres leches, or dark chocolate), then your filling (I don't remember what choices I picked, I blame the sugar), then an endless amount of toppings. Sweet mother of God, the toppings. Everything from fruity pebbles to nutter butters to coconut. adsffffffffffffffffff.....oh sorry, I just passed out for a moment remembering the drool-worthy toppings.

MOH P discreetly tasting her creation

Me going all tyrannosaurus on my cupcake

 

Our cupcake artists -- Disco Dust. You're doin' it right.

After dinner, we cleaned up and for the last time ever, I kissed my fiance. Like whoa. The next time I would see this guy, I would be marrying him. Totes bizarre. Bye bye honey...see ya tomorrow. I'll be the one in white ;)

MOH P, BM J and I headed back to the Holiday Inn where we had, no kidding, the best time ever. I can't think of another time in my life where I've laughed so much or felt so much happiness at once. Those girls, what can I say, they're just the best. We attempted to learn the Party Rock shuffle a la YouTube. I can't believe hotel security didn't come shut us down. We sounded like a herd of dub-stepping elephants.

Lessons from Steeve

MOH P and I

BM J

BM J studying the schedule I made, and Me feeling "Death by Party Rock"

I decided that I'd had enough LMFAO (both the band and the 90s web meaning) for one evening. If I was to resemble anything close to a bride, I would have to get some sleep! Off to my room I went, all the while hearing MOH P practicing her sweet moves. A memory I will always treasure.

I will say this about the night before my wedding, it couldn't have gone off any better. I am so thankful to my ladies for making my last single moments some of the best in my life. I couldn't ask for better friends.

Our last moments outside of matrimony

Back to wedding related posts! My wonderful husband purchased a new computer screen so that we can get back to some semblance of normal life. You just don't realize how much PC's have been integrated into every function of our lives until you're left scrambling without one. Both of the screens on our home computers went ca-put. The laptop looks like a gun shot victim with a giant pixelated red circle and red streams at the top. The desktop monitor just went completely out without warning. Jerk.

Thus the couple of photo-less posts preceding this one. I can post from my work computer but I cannot upload pictures to it without being harassed by our overtly creepy IT guy. I would go without a computer for weeks just to avoid this dude, seriously.

But now my love has remedied the no-monitor-situation and I have regained all reason for living again (I kid, I kid.)

So where were we? Oh yes, the week of the wedding.

The weather was truly dismal the week of our wedding.  It was the one and only week we experience any sort of Winter-like weather. Monday and Tuesday I wrapped up at work, making sure everyone was prepared for my twelve day absence. Wednesday, I got buffed, manicured, pedicured, waxed and trimmed. I got an oil change in the car and headed out of Austin to my parents' home just outside of Abilene. The three hour drive was very cathartic for me. I was able to clear my head and sing my head off with the kids from Glee at decibels that probably aren't safe for human ears.

Thursday, the realization that rain was inevitable on Saturday set in. I was bluer than blue. I couldn't even put make-up on. I just rolled through the motions. I met with the florist, Sarah from Marcia's Creations. This lady holds a place in my heart forever. I could wax poetic about how this vendor became a friendor for life. She no doubt saw the gloom in my face, and showed me the bouquets she had prepared for my BMs and for a few moments that morning, I was genuinely happy this wedding was happening, even in the rain.

Then I met with our venue coordinator, Miss Debbie, to go over our final plan. We talked about how to work around the rain. She tried to console me with sweet words like "I'm sure the rain will be done by Saturday. It will all work out." Bless her heart, she was so wrong. It rained like a mo-fo all day Saturday but I will always appreciate her kind words in my moment of distress.

After our consultation, I met the man that would be my husband before the week was over to sign our marriage license. It was so great to spend even a modicum of time with him. Normally in Texas there is a 72 hour waiting period from when you apply for your marriage license to the day you receive it and can get married. But because we took a pre-maritial counseling class in December through the Twogether in Texas program, we were able to by-pass the waiting period. We also got a $60 discount on the marriage license fee making it only $12. Yes, I am that crazy lady that will sit through a torturous 8-hour class just to get a discount. Bargain-basement bride right here!

At the courthouse with our newly-minted marriage license

Buy the time Friday rolled around, I was a mess. I had cried my eyes out about the weather, snapped at my dear parents more times than I'm proud of, and had a near melt-down at my in-laws when multiple people tried to talk to me at one time. By the time Friday evening rolled around, I was pretty much just a shell of a person. I was a bride-zombie without the cool make-up.

My parents and I loaded up three vehicles full of wedding paraphernalia and headed to Eastland in the cold and wet weather. We arrived at the surprisingly beautiful Holiday Inn to check-in and unload our overnight bags. I was ready to drop my bags and head straight for the venue, but as is every bride's luck, I ran into excited wedding guests that wanted my undivided attention. Crap! While maintaining my cool, I hugged, visited, and then declared that they should follow me to the venue to see how well my in-laws were getting along with rehearsal dinner preparations. Good grief, I was ready to get this show on the road!

The whirlwind of emotions continued to the venue. Immediately after I arrived, I ran into my dear perplexed FIL. It was clear from his exasperation that the set up for Rehearsal Dinner was not going so well. I never inquired why or what could be possibly wrong. I had bigger fish to fry at the moment. My AMAZING family from Michigan, that I almost never ever get to see, also pulled into the venue at this moment. Luckily, we all think on the same wavelength of "let's get the work done now and visit later." Got to love that Midwestern ingenuity. My grandparents, uncle, aunt, and tiny cousins all helped me lug box after box of wedding decorations up to the eighth story in the slowest elevator on the planet. On one of these elevator trips I got the best news I had heard all week. I'm going to have another baby cousin in September (pardon me while I take a moment to do cartwheels in excitement)!

Earlier in the year I had purchased enough string lights from Save-On-Crafts and Goodwill to wrap around the trees in the garden where the wedding was supposed to take place. Mother Nature pretty much put the kibosh on that little plan. Dammit, Mother Nature, all I've wanted for months, years even, was to have Edward and Bella's twinkly lights at my wedding!*

the addition of RPattz to the alter wouldn't have hurt either, jk honey!

I don't ask for much, just to display my freak flag in the most discreet fashion as possible. After the weather related nervous break-down on Thursday, I knew I would have to say goodbye to my beloved lights. Then in a rare moment of clarity, I realized that lights could be strung in the rafters of the ballroom of the Connellee Hotel, our reception and now ceremony location. I put on my sweetest face and begged my dad to make this dream to come true. Naturally, after a couple of eyelash bats, he was at my mercy. What can I say, I've had this guy wrapped around my little finger for my whole life. Not to mention, he had just spent the last 48 hours watching me boo-hoo over the weather and all of my wedding dreams going right down the drainage ditch. My dad and uncle, the dueling Brians, set to the arduous task of wrapping lights around rafters. My family seriously rocks. 

Photo by Aunt Lindz

Before we knew it, bridal party members started showing up and it was just about show time. I needed to change out of my rain-soaked jeans and chucks into my pretty pink dress, lace leggings, and ballet flats. About those ballet flats, remember when I dropped all of my bags at the Holiday Inn? Yeah, my flats were in one of those bags. Double crap! Several people, including my darling groom, offered to go retrieve my shoes for me but I was in no mood to post-pone this any longer. I would just have to rock this bitch in my chucks.

*In the Breaking Dawn novel, there were twinkly lights everywhere during the wedding ceremony. In the Breaking Dawn movie, they did not have twinkly lights, but rather beautiful flowers cascading from the forest ceiling. What can I say, I'm a purist...and cheap.

When I grow up...

***First of all, before I even start this post, let me apologize for the (now 3) non sequitur NWR posts. I have 2 computers at home and both screens are messed up so I am unable to continue the story of our wedding until at least one of them gets fixed. "Well, how are you typing this lovely piece of blog heaven?" you might be asking yourself. From work, where I'd rather not upload all one thousand of my wedding pictures. Some would say I shouldn't be blogging from work at all, and that is probably right. However, I'm taking my fifteen minute break so: suck it corporate ya-hoos.

With that being said, I've spent the last couple of weeks really deciding what I want to do with my life. I know, I should have had this internal discussion YEARS ago...like in high school, when you are supposed to make those decisions. But when I was in high school I wanted to be something else every other day. First it was Broadway actress, then a more reasonable casting director, then an even more realistic museum curator (until I found out most museums rely on unpaid volunteer work). At some point I wanted to be a history teacher, then I remembered that patience is not my virtue but is something that is desperately required in teachers. Finally I settled on a Communications degree and thought I would go into PR or Advertising. Right, because it's that simple.

Unfortunately, I've done none of those things. That's not to say that I'm unhappy in life. I have a steady, well paying job and am married to the love of my life who pretends to care about my dream de jour. I remember someone (not sure if it was my high school guidance counselor, a professor, or Oprah) telling me to find that one thing that I love to do in life and make a career out of it. I love so many things though! I remember my formative years on stage and it brings me back to such a happy place. I know I'm not cut out for stage or screen but damn I loved that time in my life. I love love love to do crafts but unfortunately I suck big time at it. Very few of my DIY projects turn out they way I planned.

But I think most of all in this world, I love to read. I love reading old books, new books, classic romances, fantasies, young adult, very adult (see my last post on Fifty Shades of Grey), thrillers, and even silly comedies. My favorite night of the month is when my book club gets together and for those two hours, we have a real, grown-up discussion about literature. Oh how I would love to turn this into my life's ambition! But what kind of job will pay me to sit in my sweats and read? I could go into publishing but I'm worried it's too late for me. I feel like I should have started this journey in college. Should I have moved to NYC when given the opportunity 7 years ago? I'm not saying I have regrets about how my life has turned out. I love my little family and I can't wait to move into my quiet house in the country. I'm just mad at myself that I could have a career that I love, rather than tolerate, and by now I could be working in the publishing biz at home, in the country with my hubby and puppies.

I've applied for an internship working with authors via email as a developmental editor. I really hope that I am accepted into that program, if not for my career but for my personal development. I have big doubts that I will hear back from them any time soon. In the mean time, I'll just hug my kindle close and dream of the day when I can write book reports for a living.

Book Review: Fifty Shades of Goddamn!

For the month of May, our book club decided to take our first foray into the world of tawdry romance. Our pick was E.L. James' "Fifty Shades of Grey," the novel that has been taking the world by storm in a swirl of controversy.

 

My oh my that tie!

 Because I had seen this book pop up on the news and my Facebook news feed, I added it to my list of suggestions along with 4 other family friendly, totally SFW novels. Honestly, had I known, just WHY this book was stirring up so much controversy, I would have left it off of my list. I thought it had something to do with strong female roles (which, at heart, it does does), though the real controversy lies in the explicitly detailed sex scenes. Now while all of my dear sweet girlfriends are nose deep in "The Lucky One" or "Dear John," the love scenes in my book de jour do not hearken to Nickolas Sparks but more to the likes of Caligula. It's all very sexy and stimulating until out of nowhere I'm totally grossed out. There's a very fine line between hot and ewww. I find myself often thinking to myself, "wait, he put what where? groooosss!"

I stole this from my friend M's facebook so I have no idea where it originates from.

When I first started the book, my initial reaction was disappointment. I found the writing poorly edited and the story familiar and contrite. I felt like I had read this same story a thousand times during my teenage years when the Love Stories series was the shiz. When I mentioned to my fellow book loving friend Marty, he told me that the story was originally written as Twilight fan-fiction. Naturally, my intrigue was kicked up a notch as a devoted twi-hard.

Me, S, and M (hehehe) at Eclipse midnight premier 

You could probably tell me that onions are based on Twilight and I would change my opinion instantaneously. It's a sickness, I know.

Once I devoted myself to the plot a little bit more, I became quite intrigued. In between all of the sex is really a fantastic story. The romantic element to Anastasia and Christian alone is breath taking, but there really is something to be said for the discussion of roles within a relationship. At face value, the two main characters learn how to make their relation function through BDSM experiences. Underneath all of the "kinky fuckery" (the author's term, not mine) though is a discussion we all should have with ourselves in how our relationships function. Do you really trust your partner with your life? Who really holds the power and should that be given to one person? As a woman are you naturally inclined to be taken care of? Do we "misbehave" in an effort to be disciplined? Do you seek to be put in your place? Is a submissive role a natural inclanation or taught to us by society? Or rather, do we fight a submissive role because society has taught this generation of women to wear the pants in our family?

I've now almost finished the third and final installment of the series and am enraptured by the characters. The writing has greatly improved over the course of the series. It seems like, as it is with most authors, the meat of the story was easy to write but the introduction was a struggle.

 Of course I find it exciting when I make the connection between the "Grey" character and their Twilight counterpart. Sometimes it's painstakingly obvious (Jacob = Jose) and sometimes not so much (Voltouri = Elana...maybe...I think). I've also enjoyed taking a peak at my own relationship with a regard as to how we function as a team. How we share control, how we share dependence on one another, and how we express intimacy. Just because Ana and Christian take their bedroom experiences to taboo levels, they really aren't that much different from all of us in the real world. We all seek to control the world around us, including our significant others, in a way that makes sense to us.

If you are on the fence about reading this book, I have to say go for it. The sexual motifs of this book are shockingly overt, but I say get over it. Sex is everywhere these days people. It's part of life. There really is something to be said for the story that is written in between the lines. Also, book 3 is exciting as hell. Oh Fifty....

*All Photos are crappy and personal unless otherwise noted. All videos from YouTube.

 

**Update: I've now finished all 3 books and the bonus chapters in "Freed." I have to say the 3 bonus chapters are my favorite piece of the story. "Fifty's First Christmas" had me in tears...which is not what one would expect from an erotic novel. Well played, Ms. James. Well played indeed.

 

Also stolen from M...no clue where she found it. But I big-puffy-heart LOVE this!

 

Book Review: The Book Thief stole my heart

As most of you know I belong to a book club where once a month we get together and catch up, discuss our latest piece of literature, and pick a book to read over the next four weeks. This small group of women my age has meant the world to me during my time in Austin. I don't know how I would stay sane without these ladies and our monthly get-togethers.

In early March we voted on Marcus Zusak's "The Book Thief." This poignant story, narrated by a personified Death, follows a young girl growing up on the poor side of town in Nazi Germany. Most Holocaust books focus on the painful struggle of persecuted Jews. This book captures the flip side, showing what it was to be under Nazi pressure as a German and maintaining morality.

Source

Liesel, the young heroine shows an admirable ethical standard all the while under intense pressure. As a release from her painstaking life, she and her companion Rudy steal from the rich. Rudy, who never gets his fill, is always in search of food that he doesn't have to share with his large impoverished family. Liesel on the other hand, though hungry too, is always searching for a book to add to her collection. As the war pushes on, life gets more confusing for Liesel and her friends. Just as Hitler spins out of control in power, her life seems to unravel. Just when things start to make sense again, her whole world is ripped in two.

If you are looking for a book to both take your breath away and restore your faith in humanity, this is the one. I have never read something so beautifully written, so poetic.