The Edge of Glory: Getting Ready

At 4 o'clock it was time to get ready. I was so ready to put my make-up on. I hate being around other people plain-faced.

Me, MOH P, and BM J applying our make-up

Naturally they finished way before me so while I was taking my sweet time covering my stress break-outs, they got dressed and had a little dance contest. It was also during this time that the rain outside turned into a full on storm. There was a bolt of thunder so loud that I almost jammed my mascara wand right into my eyeball. Obviously that was not an omen from God...just a congratulatory hammer clash from Thor...right?

I'd hammer that...

Drrrroooollllllllllllll....oh yeah. Where were we? Oh right, make up.

Once my face was on and worthy of facing all of my loved ones (and then some), it was time to get that god-awful shower cap off of my head and prep my 'do.

Ever feel like a monkey?

Can I get this kind of service every morning please?

Who is that fine lady?

Oh, it's just my reflection...silly me!

Ok so we have face and hair...now we need the dress! My sweet Vera was "hanging out" waiting for me on a bathroom stall door. Pretty classy...

Oh Vera...

BM J intrigued, BM M holding my hair like a true friend, and Me scared shitless of my wedding dress

A disappearing act

Holy Crap...I'm in my wedding dress

Step-Momma Chatkins zipped me up:

While the girls fluffed out my skirt:

All that was left was accessories:
Remember when I woke up in a panic because my jewelry and sash was left in Austin? Well, the jewelry problem was solved by a trip to Walmart, but the sash? You see, the dress came with a sash. But when I tried on the dress I didn't like it. I wanted a long pretty satin one for an extra fee. Well the long pretty one was left in Austin. Sorry Dad. I owe you $25. But I found the one that came with the dress in my back seat. Thank God for my procrastination. I meant to take that damn thing in the house a hundred times, but never did. It's funny how my own flaws work in my favor some times.

MOH P helping me with my wally-world necklace

Yep, it'll work.

Putting in earrings...

And eventually I have to use my thinking face. Yep. That's legit.

Ok, weirdo...put your shoes on.

Pretty flower!

Shoes are hard

Money shot!

Up next...Mr. Catkins blows me away with his wedding gift.

Inaugural YouTube Tuesday

Earlier today, my friend "Chuck" from work and I were watching some YouTube videos (while on break of course!) and I had a fantastic idea!

Why not start a blog series showcasing a great YouTube video every Tuesday.

This week I bring you one of my favorite new bands Walk The Moon and their song "Anna Sun." This song has been all over the radio the last couple of weeks so I'm sure you've heard it at least once. I really listened to the words today and I couldn't believe how much the chorus described a situation in my life right now.

Those of you who are pretty close to me know that Mr. Catkins and I are in the throws of purchasing a home right now. We've decided to buy an older home close to his family in rural Texas. It is a beautiful home set in a very pretty area of our state. But because it was built almost 50 years ago, it is going to require some serious renovation. It's the kind of house that would make Bob Vila's pants get tight...if ya know what I'm sayin' :)

The chorus of the song goes like this:
"Oh Anna Suuuun! Oh Anna Suuuuunnn! What do ya know? This house is falling apart. What can I say? This house is falling apart. We got no money but we've got ha, ha, heaaarrt. We're gonna rattle this ghost town. This house is falling apart." ***

Our house is not quite falling apart but it needs a lot of work. But that also means we can make it our own. The "we got no money" part is mostly true on my end. I have got to get my spending under control if I am ever going to be comfortable in this life. I have an awesome job and it is a shame that I am not in better control of my finances. But I know I will get there because "we've got ha, ha, heaaaarrt." My better half is amazing when it comes to helping me achieve personal goals...like learning to not blow my entire paycheck at Ikea. And, by George, we ARE going to rattle that ghost town. I just know that we will be leaders in our community some how some way.

Hopefully, our house won't be "fa-fa-falling apart" soon enough. We have big plans for it and we can't wait to make it our own. Don't worry, I'll keep you abreast of all the changes we plan to make. I know that eye-roll you just gave me was one of pure excitement.

***Disclaimer: I usually don't actually know what the words are to songs so this is my best guess. I am the girl who thought Guns N Roses' "Paradise City" was "The Very Last City" well into college. I also thought Whitesnake was like "a twister" born to walk alone...rather than a drifter which actually makes sense. Not to mention AC/DC's "Dirty Deeds are Done Dirt Cheap" will always be "Dirty Deads THUNDER CHIEF!" to me. Oy! I swear, if I didn't know myself better, I would think I'm a total weirdo.

Birthday Schmirthday (NWR)

Alternatively Titled: How I still suck at life after 26 years

***Excuse me for taking a moment from regaling the tales of the wedding of the century (ok that might be an exaggeration...the wedding of the decade is probably more fitting)

No I'm not going to bum you out with a post about how my life sucks-waaa waa-boo hoo. I just think the events of this special day have been unreasonably sucky and would make one helluva comedy starring Elizabeth Banks. The only way to fully explain this is in time format.

The Evening Before ~

9:46 pm: Text from hubby letting me know he's working all weekend and I won't be seeing him until next weekend. Wonderful. This transition period really puts the "blah" in "Wedded Bliss."

10:30pm: Try not to give the husband a massive guilt trip all the while explaining that two weeks apart totally sucks. Go to sleep crying...I have no idea why I was so upset. Maybe because I rely on him to make me feel like my life isn't a total crap-shoot (a feeling that has been ever-present while this birthday approached. Getting older sucks big ones.) Maybe because birthdays can make someone feel even more alone in life than usual.

The Morning of~

6:00 am: Alarm goes off. Hit snooze.

6:09 am: Alarm goes off. Reset alarm for 6:39.

7:18 am: Wake up to sound of garbage truck. Wait? What happened to 6:39? Oh, I set that shiz for pm. B-E-A-UTIFUL. I need to leave the house in exactly 7 minutes.

7:20 am: Brush my teeth and put contacts in at same time. Get toothpaste in my eye.

7:25 am: iPhone alerts me that it is time to leave the house. Scream from the top of my lungs, "I know asshole! Where were you an hour ago?!"

7:30 am: Pack make-up in awesome new diaper bag monster sized purse and head out the door.

7:31 am: Realize the dogs haven't been let out. Go back inside and let the dogs out. Get sweet "happy birthday" slobber kisses on freshly cleaned pants.

7:33 am: Head to work. Only get cut-off 3 times. That's actually pretty good. Gotye would be impressed.


source

7:57 am: Park the car and walk to the front door at work. Next door a sign is being installed for the incoming Great Clips. Get hit on by the sign guy who I'm pretty sure is Bam Margera's uncle Don Vito. Well at least with un-straightened shit hair and no make-up, someone wants to hit this.

8:00 am: Clock-in and commence saying Thank you to everyone and their dog on Facebook.
          *Side note: There is no way Hollywood could ever remake Sixteen Candles now thanks to Facebook. Instead of Molly Ringwald's family forgetting her birthday, she would spend the whole movie thanking her pals from kindergarten for posting on her timeline...but just waiting for Jake Ryan's super cool-super smooth comment. Is it weird that the thought of Jake Ryan still makes me weak in the knees? Probably.
 

Every girl's birthday dream

8:15 - 8:30 am: Apply make-up at work like a girl in the Jr. High bathroom.

 8:30 - 9:30 am: Actually do work.

9:30 am: Get a very awkward text from someone who walked out of my life months ago. Decide I need Starbucks in my life right this second.

9:35 am: Walk to the Target next door...in heels. BTW I'm a total n0ob at walking in heels. Oh God, the blisters have started already.

9:40 am: Manage to not fall down. Success! Oh, they're out of the fruit bowl I so enjoy. Grab a bowl full of mainly strawberries and blueberries. The one skanky looking mango slice makes it a Tropical Fruit Blend. Hmm...

9:45 am: Go to the in-Target Starbucks where they practically know my blood-type I'm here so much. Order a grande zebra frapp (with free extra syrup! huzzah!) Clamber back to work avoiding eye contact with the aforementioned Don Vito impersonator.

9:50 am: Open fruit bowl at desk. Skanky looking mango slice is indeed skanky. It's pretty much a slice of yellow rubber. The strawberries are mushed but hey, i found a kiwi slice that doesn't suck at all!

10:00 am: Push lame-excuse-for-fruit aside and resume Facebook thanking.

10:05 am - 12pm: Actually do work. Text husband. Successfully cheer up.

12:05 pm: DrawSomething (this has taken over my life)

12:15 pm: Check the Chive app for amusement. Succeed.

12:20 pm: Clock out for lunch and head to Subway for the Wednesday sub-of-the-day (Turkey Breast - my fave)

12:30 pm: Freak. The. Eff. Out. in the Subway parking lot. There are like 4 parking spots at this particular Subway and being that it is the lunch rush, all humanity has broken down into chaos. There were two cars already "vulture-ing" people walking out of the restaurant with their blinkers in full force. It was like college revisited. (If you don't get that reference, you clearly did not go to Tarleton)

12:40 pm: Attempt to drive across the street without a major accident. Wind up in the Taco Bell drive-thru lane. What the hell, I'll just go with it.

12:45 pm: God shines a ray of light on me and plays Mumford and Sons and Foo Fighters in succession on the radio. No, God does not work at 101X but I have to assume He put those in the play-list for me. Ya know, so I didn't go all "Allsups" on Taco Bell. Divine intervention is a many splendid thing.

12:50 pm: Shove not one, not two, but three taco supremes in my gullet like I'm in some sort of Cinco de Mayo eating competition from Hell.

12:55 pm: Drop sour cream on my favorite work shirt. Were you really surprised by this? Well you shouldn't be.

1:00 pm: Make it back to work in one piece thank the good Lord.

1:05 - 4:00pm: Actually do work...while watching my latest obsession, "The Tudors," on Netflix.


Jonathan Rhys Meyers makes me lose my head too, ladies

 4:00 - 4:30 pm: Blog about shit day.

I'm done whining now, friends. I have a six pack of woodchuck sitting in my fridge waiting on me. Hopefully, the traffic gods will smile down on me and I will see my dear woodchucks in due time.

Have a fantastic evening!

~ Mrs. Chatkins

Morning Glory

After I left my friends' hotel room, I settled into my own room. I washed my make-up off, brushed my hair, and snuggled into bed reveling in my last few moments on this side of being married. I swallowed some generic Unisom to ensure I would not lay awake all night with jitters like I did the night before BM M's wedding. Kids, do not take sleeping pills. Do as I say not as I do! I texted my fiance good-night for the last time and fell asleep to the sweet sweet sounds of That 70s Show reruns. At midnight almost on the dot I woke up with a jolt.

Oh. Holy. Shit. I left all of my jewelry in Austin. Along with the beautiful long silk sash to wrap around my dress. To say that I panicked is an understatement. I was so freaked I almost picked up my purse and drove the three hours to retrieve the lonely "Wedding Day Accessory" shoe-box from my closet. I didn't want to bother my bridesmaids if they were actually sleeping. I turned to the one person who I knew could take the reigns in just about any situation, my step-momma. She has an uncanny ability to make shit happen. Gusto is what that woman has. I sent her a frantic text hoping she would wake up and see it. Like any sane normal person, she told me that we would fix it in the morning. The wedding wasn't until 6 p.m. (ha! to all of the "why so late?" naysayers) so we had plenty of time to find new jewels.

I snuggled back under the covers and tried to let the generic Unisom do it's job. Luckily, and I credit this entirely to God and the fine people at Equate (The Sam's Choice of pharmaceutical products), I did sleep that night. I mean, a bride with black bags under her eyes is so passe. I woke up in my usual fashion, three minutes before the alarm. Why does that happen to me every day?! I packed up my stuff and found my toothbrush but no toothpaste. Awesome. I'm getting married today with stank breath. When I texted my ladies to make sure they were up, they assured me they had toothpaste. I grabbed my bags and trudged to their room. The blueness from earlier in the week crept over me again as I realized I would not have the accessories with me that I so painstakingly searched for. I realize now how vain and petty this sounds, but bride brain is no laughing matter. Eastland, TX is not exactly known for its access to bridal jewelry.

On our way down we ran into my fam in the continental breakfast room. They saw the look of horror on my face and told me come Hell or high water, they would make sure I got some pearls. Best family ever, guys. MOH P and BM J followed me to Mane Street Salon in time for our 9 o'clock hair appointment.

lookin' hawt with yucky hair and no make-up

After they got settled in with Rebecca, I hauled booty to the few stores in town. There is a Beal's department store but they don't open until 11 and I needed this matter settled ASAP. That's when I turned to Uncle Sam.

No not that Uncle Sam! Dear God, the army would probably give my clumsy ass a sign-on bonus to join the other side!

 

 

Sam Walton

Now that's more like it. I pulled my car into the Eastland Walmart. I remember vividly sitting in my car listening to the rain drizzle down when I got a text from my boss "Happy Wedding day! I'll be thinking of y'all today and hope it's an awesome day!" That's when I realized, who is this sap crying in her car like some poor rendition of Kristin Stewart? Time to buck-up buttercup! If I can do rehearsal in chuck's, then I can certainly rock some wally-world accessories for the wedding. After all, it wouldn't feel like my wedding without a few hiccups. A very kind jewelry associate helped me pick out a pearl necklace, bracelet, and two options for earrings. I feel like she was karma embodied from a time I helped out some poor girl in need when I too was a Walmart Jewelry Associate.

I returned to Mane Street Salon like a victor after battle. After that, MOH P, BM J, hairstylist Rebecca and I just had plain old fun. We blasted music, did the Ellen Dance Dare, planked, and stood brooms up on their own.

All photos courtesy of this ham's facebook

When the FG and JRBM showed up we had even more giggles. JRBM Jazz-ma-taz thought we were crazy for standing up brooms...so we picked on her Michigander accent for a little bit. She's a trooper. I can't believe she's going to be 10 tomorrow. Man oh man. Where does the time go?
I don't have any pictures of her from this special moment. I am appalled that there is not photo evidence of her and Paige arguing over "pop" and "soda." So here's a picture of my dear sweet FG that is always the life of the party:

The Princess showing off her sweet moves

At this point in the story you might be wondering why in the hell we put this darling 4 year old in a shower cap. Well we all had them! Rebecca, our amaze-balls stylist, brought them so that when we left the salon, the rain wouldn't ruin our perfectly coiffed do's.

Personal Photo - don't worry, I do put make up on at some point

And because we are straight-up gangsta...we took our style-saving mode to the next level.

hoodies to shield our goodies

BM J's so gangsta she doesn't need a hoodie

And just like that it was mid-afternoon. We had an hour to chill at the hotel before it was go time! Stay tuned to see the transformation from hot mess to hot bride.

We Rehearse

The wedding party had assembled. The Pastor and DOC  were giving instructions. The parents were deep in discussion over twinkle lights and aisle placement. The bride was shaking in her chucks. No looking back now, we're doing this.

MOH P and BM J bright eyed and bushy tailed *Photo courtesy of MOH P

Armored with the bow-quet made from bows saved from shower gifts, I took a deep breath and handed the reigns over to Brother Stan. After all the planning, diagramming, purchasing, and worrying, this was his show from now on.

He had Cameron and I introduce our respective family and friends who were present. Naturally, I botched even this very first, very simple task. I introduced everyone in the room. I like to think I naturally did this because we're all one big family and group of friends, right? While that is a downright lovely thought, it's probably because my brain was total and complete mush. I was beyond able to take direction. It's a damn wonder I was able to stand in the right place and not have to go sit with the flower girl and her mom.

Flower Girl Gabzilla is far too busy for this wedding crap, clearly she's got some angry birds to play! * Photo courtesy of FG Mom Aunt Linds.

We processed, held hands, practiced a couple of words from our vows, and recessed. It was so quick.

"I promise to, um, love you and stuff" *Photo courtesy of Aunt Linds

I'm so glad Brother Stan was there to walk us through it. I am eternally grateful that there was such a sweet man to instruct everyone where to go and what to do. I probably would have gone looney tunes if it weren't for him. And his prayers! I mean, I know prayer is what he does for a living, but damn dang! That fool can talk to God like a mo-fo! (Just kidding if you're reading this Brother Stan!)

Pastor Stan after the ceremony the next day *Photo courtesy of Illuminate Photography

Rehearsing the Recess like a couple of pros *Photo courtesy of Aunt Linds

Once we rehearsed everything that we could possibly rehearse...it was time to munch!

My amazing in-laws treated us to Hardin's BBQ, an Eastland staple. (Ok, ok, every restaurant in Eastland is a staple there because there's like 5 of them). Though butterflies had officially staked out my tummy as their kingdom, I was able to get in a few bites of brisket and it was delish! I can't even begin to tell you all how much my Michiganders big-puffy-heart LOVED the barbeque. They cleaned their plates faster than some of the Texans! Cute. That's what that is.

Michigander Poppa-of-the-Bride and Me

GMOG (grandmom of the groom) Mady being adorbs as usual *Photo courtesy of MOH P

But the cherry on top? The Cupcake Bar! Way back in July of 2011, my step-mama and I went to a bridal show at a Dillard's here in Austin. That's where we saw The Cupcake Bar, the cutest, most fabulous, most delicious piece of wedding goodness we had ever laid eyes on. We could not stop raving about it, much to the dismay of our respective hubbies. I knew I had to make these awesome people a part of our big day. After MUCH negotiation, the mister and I agreed that they could provide dessert to the rehearsal dinner given that I paid for their entire fee, which was reasonable but not inexpensive by any means.

So what's the big deal about some cupcakes? Why pay a hefty mileage fee for cupcakes? Because it's a freaking Subway/Freebird's/FroYo for cupcakes! You pick your flavor (red velvet, tres leches, or dark chocolate), then your filling (I don't remember what choices I picked, I blame the sugar), then an endless amount of toppings. Sweet mother of God, the toppings. Everything from fruity pebbles to nutter butters to coconut. adsffffffffffffffffff.....oh sorry, I just passed out for a moment remembering the drool-worthy toppings.

MOH P discreetly tasting her creation

Me going all tyrannosaurus on my cupcake

 

Our cupcake artists -- Disco Dust. You're doin' it right.

After dinner, we cleaned up and for the last time ever, I kissed my fiance. Like whoa. The next time I would see this guy, I would be marrying him. Totes bizarre. Bye bye honey...see ya tomorrow. I'll be the one in white ;)

MOH P, BM J and I headed back to the Holiday Inn where we had, no kidding, the best time ever. I can't think of another time in my life where I've laughed so much or felt so much happiness at once. Those girls, what can I say, they're just the best. We attempted to learn the Party Rock shuffle a la YouTube. I can't believe hotel security didn't come shut us down. We sounded like a herd of dub-stepping elephants.

Lessons from Steeve

MOH P and I

BM J

BM J studying the schedule I made, and Me feeling "Death by Party Rock"

I decided that I'd had enough LMFAO (both the band and the 90s web meaning) for one evening. If I was to resemble anything close to a bride, I would have to get some sleep! Off to my room I went, all the while hearing MOH P practicing her sweet moves. A memory I will always treasure.

I will say this about the night before my wedding, it couldn't have gone off any better. I am so thankful to my ladies for making my last single moments some of the best in my life. I couldn't ask for better friends.