Whaddya Think?

So....I've been thinking.

No, I'm not breaking up with you. I realize how scary that first sentence can be.

I haven't been the greatest blogger this last year. A large part of that is due to the fact that switching to a different location with my job meant taking on a lot more responsibility. The other part is, as fascination with my wedding wained, I found myself without topics to write about. I really do think about things to write about but then, I'm like...why would they care that I haven't seen the calf that lives behind our house in weeks and I'm secretly depressed about it? Why would y'all care that every time I see a wolf spider in our house (like 3 times a day) I howl at the moon now that I know what kind of spider they are...and then promptly proceed with execution? You don't. Because you have lives. And if you do care about the silly things from my life in the sticks, then I want to introduce you to two of my good friends: Internet and television. They are way more entertaining.

That being said, I want you to know I'm not giving up on blogging; I'm just shifting gears. Instead of writing for the sake of writing, which is totes fun in its own right, I need a topic to stay focused on. So, I'm starting a new blog. A baby blog. Now before you freak out and blow up my FB page, I'M NOT PREGNANT. We aren't even trying yet. So just slow your role.

Those of you who know me personally and know me well, are quite aware of my baby fever. It's baaad y'all. I saw a picture of my friend Laura's new baby with his big sister, my favorite almost 5 (what!?!?) year old, and I swear I felt my ovaries explode with giddiness. I haven't even met the new kid (because I'm the worst friend EVER) and the sight of his cheeks make me just explode...almost literally. Not to mention I'm the only one in my hubby's fam that isn't knocked up. THE ONLY ONE. Srsly. That's just mean, guys. And some of you have even heard of my timeline on putting that bun in the oven. I'm waiting until September to get the baby train rolling. That's when we're going to NYC for the hub's 30th birthday and God as my witness, I will not have morning sickness when there are hot dog carts at my disposal. As much as I love the idea of making a baby, I love New York food even more...said every mom ever, I'm almost certain. No? Oh. Well, my bad. I'm pretty sure the last time I was in the Big Apple, a whopping 12 years ago, I ate my weight in hot dogs, pizza, and cheesecake. Oh sweet Jesus the cheesecake. Yep, def waiting until after the NYC trip.

Anywhoodles, what do you guys think of me starting a blog documenting all things TTC, pregnancy, and baby related? It would be an AdSense blog so momma can make some (if any) monies. I would discuss topics such as budgets, pet-to-baby relations, re-purposing furniture, and if all the new fancy schmancy baby products are necessary. And of course, in true Cheriee style, I would keep it real. You know it won't all be pretty. And Dear Husband, don't worry. I won't be posting anything too personal, at least nothing that concerns you. So you can stop hyperventilating. I wouldn't do you like that.

So lend me your 2 cents. Is this something you would read? Is this something you would want to hear from a writer like me? Lemmeknow.

Kthxbye.

Movie Review Monday: Like Crazy

Most. Confusing. Movie. Ever.



Source



The transitions in this movie make 0 x 0 sense. Srsly. A day later, I'm still wondering what the hell just happened. Maybe that's because my friend Jessica and I were watching this while preparing and crafting decorations for a bachelorette party we're throwing this coming weekend, but I'm pretty sure the movie just didn't explain shit. One minute the main couple is together, the next thing he's banging Katniss and she's cozied up to someone who looks less like a serial killer, and the minute after that...they're back together again. I STILL don't know how the ending worked out. Once the credits started rolling, Jess and I just looked at each other confused and concerned.

I really wanted to like this movie too. It's independent. It's a Rom-Dram (you're welcome, use it as you wish). It has an excellent soundtrack centered around Paul Simon. It has Jennifer Lawrence for crying out loud. And it looks like it would be just so damn cute! Le sigh (bet you haven't heard that in 5 years!).

But no. Nope. No thank you. No mas. Perhaps we should try shaving off a little bit of the artsy-fartsy and adding just a dash of explainy-fainy. Just a suggestion.

Fin.

YouTube Tuesday: Fake It 'Til You Make It

So I haven't been on here in months. I know. I should probably stop telling people I have a blog...when I don't actually blog anymore. The truth is I haven't lost my appetite for writing. I long for the opportunity to let my creativity flow. So why the absence? Aside for crap-tastic computers at home (omg yes they are too broke, Cameron), I just really don't have anything to blog about these days. There is absolutely nothing happening in the career/home renovation/family planning/freaking anything at all portions in my life.

Well, I suppose that's not entirely true. My favorite person on the planet (that I'm not married to or stalking) is getting married to a fantastic guy in a few weeks #rockstarbridesmaid. The hubs and I are going on a road-trip to the Dong of America Sunshine State next week to see my baby cousin graduate from high school...and to remember why I don't live close to family. And I've started reading the Sookie Stackhouse novels. So put that in your pipe and smoke it, people who are actually achieving things.

God, could this blog be a bigger bummer? Well probably. I've been pretty much bitch slapped by life every time I turn around. But we aren't going to talk about that today. Today we are going to talk about a real-life thing. Fake it until you make it. Has anyone ever told you about how if you start to smile, eventually that will translate into real feelings of happiness? It's true. It doesn't stop the absolute shit-storm that life revolves around you, but it does make it all a little bit more bearable. So that's what I'm doing now. You don't want to hire me? Fine. Your loss. I'm fuggin amazing. Cysts want to explode all over my ovaries causing me intense pain and nausea all week? Sure. Whatevs. I'll adopt or lose weight or whatever. Face wants to break out like a teenager on a taco binge? At least I don't look old...nor too poor to afford tacos. No money? That's cool. I like popcorn for dinner. No really. It's pretty much the best ever.

So if you want to join me in an effort to turn that frown upside down...watch this video. It's 2 solid minutes of cats wearing hats. If this can't make you smile and face your day with renewed vigor, then you totes need help far beyond what I can deliver.

I Deserve An Award

Attention everybody!

Your girl, Cheriee Awesomesauce Atkins-Gosling (jk babe) went into a Target store (for the first time in MONTHS  I might add) and did NOT get Starbucks. I didn't even get popcorn. That's right. The queen of mishandling money and poor food choices chose to go against the grain. Popcorn's a whole grain. Mmmm popcorn. Sea salt popcorn. *wipes drool off of chin* No! Stop! Don't do this to yourself! It's not even 9 o'clock in the morning for Pete's sake.--Sorry. Sometimes I have to be my own life coach.

Crack.

If you're thinking to yourself, "What's the big deal? I go to Target all the time and never step foot inside Starbucks." Well friend, you clearly don't know me at all. Go ahead and stop reading my blog, unfriend me from facebook, and cross me off of your prayer list. Obviously we are never going to work as friends.

I was going to put a funny picture of "frenemies" here, but that's apparently a TV show and a funny cat meme is impossible to find.



Oh! I also made it out of there under $100. Go ahead and pick your jaw up off the floor. In fact, the only thing I bought that wasn't on my list were socks...that were on clearance! Argyle socks at that.

hahasforhoohas.com

I'm expecting a phone call from the Nobel Prize people any moment now.

YouTube Tuesday: Goats Who Yell Like Humans

So I'm sitting here on my lunch break, eating some chicken noodle soup and enjoying some Dr. Who when I decide to visit my new favorite website hahasforhoohas.com. A few scrolls down through some pretty hilarious e-cards and funny stories, I see a video that totally changed my day around. Oh my goodness. I still have tears rolling down my face from laughing so hard. I couldn't NOT share this with you guys! You might want to grab some earbuds for this one, or if you are like me and have totally stopped giving a shiz what people think of you, crank up the volume.

Dumb question for the day: So whenever I wear my fleece jacket and take it off, it's like a freaking lightning storm with all of the static. How do goats/sheep/wookies handle this? Do you think they get shocked a lot? Because, I mean, I can barely get through the morning without screaming profanity. If I had to be permanently clad in the stuff, I would be a rage monster. Maybe that's why they scream so loud.

40 days and 40 nights

***Let me preface this post by noting that it is about religion. If you are easily offended, please refrain from reading below. I promise not to be crude or judgemental, I am merely speaking from my heart.***

This year for Lent, I am not giving up pizza or candy or sodas or facebook or any other menial thing in my life. This year, I think I want to give up Catholicism. I know. Whoa. Hear me out...or don't. Whatever.

Let me back track a little bit for you.

When I was a child, my parents did not subscribe to any particular sect of religion. Don't ask me why. Then I would have to ask them why and that's a conversation I do not want to be a part of. God was a part of our vernacular. I never doubted that there was a Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Not to mention I grew up in Abilene, TX. This town makes the Bible belt look like Sodom and Gomorrah. When I was in high school a teacher told us that our beloved town was in the Guinness Book of World Records for both having the most churches on one street (Buffalo Gap Road) and the most pregnant teenagers (Abilene High...jk, old rivalries die hard). There's some serious depth to that statement. Anywhoo, after my parents divorced (circa 1997), my mother converted to Catholicism. I celebrated Mass with her from age 11 and was Baptised and Confirmed to the Church myself at age 15.

I've always loved celebrating Mass. Especially at the church we (not-so regularly) attended in Austin. The artwork, the incense and especially when the devotion of the priest shone through in their homilies. I always felt closer to God in that setting. I've attended many a Protestant church service and just never felt the same. Again, not to offend anybody, it just wasn't my groove so please don't press.

So why am I taking a break from the one religion that makes me feel closer to the Lord? Because it isn't the religion that gives me those warm fuzzies. It isn't the rituals, the sacrament, or even the free wine. There's a fair amount of Cardinal rules that I've never once followed in my life. There's so much that I don't agree with that I practically wrote myself out of my family members' wills by not having a Catholic wedding simply because I couldn't go through with Pre-Cana and making promises to a Priest that I just don't believe in my heart of hearts. I'm not going into detail about that because this subject is touchy and I'm not trying to lose all of my friends at once. Not today anyway.

Considering my general lack of attendance at Mass since leaving Austin, you're probably wondering how this Lenten decision is going to change anything. I suppose the real thing I'm giving up is the guilt. The guilt for not fasting today for Ash Wednesday. The guilt for not going to Mass since July. The guilt for if/when I eat meat on Friday. The guilt for using birth control. The guilt for not having been a born-and-bread Catholic (for some reason this makes me a lower, much worse form of Catholic, ask anyone). The guilt for coming from a broken home. The guilt for thinking most of the Bible was written by sexist males a bazillion years ago who were just trying to form the basis of a well-functioning society rather than hard and fast rules that we should judge our every movement by (life goes on people, let's rework some of this).The guilt for writing this blog post because what is St. Peter going to say when he pulls this little ditty up on the Jumbo-Tron in front of the pearly-gates?

So please, do not pass judgement because your God is better, stronger, or happier than my God. I still have a relationship with the Lord that is personal between the two (or four) of us. There is no doubt in that for me. I'm just taking a break from the bureaucracy of religion to refocus my beliefs. Perhaps this isn't good for me, you're saying shaking your head at your computer/tablet/phone. But perhaps, this is the best thing for me. To take a step back and breath and discover God on His terms, not on the terms of someone else.

P.S. The Pope quit so I can too. (this is a joke, so just chillax)

Movie-gasm

Recently the hubs and I have reunited with our love of the movie theater. It seems as though we've been to the movies almost every weekend and I'm sure we'll be back soon to see Django Unchained. So I suppose rather than picking one, I'll just tell you about them all.

Cinematic Review

I'll try to keep my comments short and sweet. My apologies in advance for any unnecessary rambling.

I freaking miss this show

Lincoln

So good. So so so good. Cinematography - amazeballs. Story line - enrapturing. Cast - star studded to the point that several times hubby and I looked at each other in surprise as we recognized our favorite actors. Mostly because we don't have actual tv (we're a netflix family) so we haven't seen the commercials to know that Tommy Lee Jones, James Spader, and Joseph Gorden Levitt had starring roles. I know, I know. The rock that we live under is actually quite nice. There's been a humongous drop in our douche-intake since we've cut out cable.

Even he's not sure what movies he's in these days

Back to Lincoln...this film will have you cracking up and crying the next minute. Daniel Day-Lewis is a freaking genius and I can't imagine a better Abraham Lincoln. Sally Fields (yes that Sally Fields) does wonders with Mary Todd Lincoln. History has her recorded as some loony toon because she publicly mourned the loss of their son. Hey history, give her a freaking break. Nobody in their right mind would just brush it off like she misplaced her favorite lip gloss. My dog gets sick and I turn into a one-woman soap opera. I cannot imagine the toll losing a child would take. But Fields makes it real in a way that I've never seen before. Remember when she was M'Lynn in Steel Magnolias? It's like that with petticoats and fancy dialogue...but better.

"Mary my dear, I believe this wallpaper is called blush and bashful"
"Abe...the cullah is pink and pink" - Not actual lines from the movie.

K...I'm rambling. Moving on.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Adventure

Three words: Not. For. No0bs.

If you know nothing of the Tolkien franchise, you're gonna have a bad time. It's very long and requires a deep love of LOTR characters. Also, don't go watch it at 11:35 pm on a day when you got up at 4am. As exciting as it is, you're going to want to crawl inside Gandalf's beard and go night-night.

The highlights for me included:

• Seeing my fave Sherlock character as a hobbit.

• Smeagol/Gollum

The perfect mix of creepy and cute

• The foundation of events to come in LOTR. It was so exciting to see the birth of some of my favorite scenes from back in the day...I mean in the future Middle Earth. Um, yeah. You know what I mean.

Les Miserables

Tears. Oh sweet heavens, the tears. I cried no less than seventeen times. Partly because of the special place Jean Valjean holds in my heart and partly because it was just so damn breathtaking. So much sadness. So much beauty. And no matter what that hack-piece-of-crap-poser Adam Lambert says, this cast is phenomenal. If you are a true lover of the theatre and have not ventured out into the crowds to see this masterpiece yet, I'm assuming it's because you have some misgivings about Russel Crow, Anne Hathaway, and Amanda Seyfried. I hear ya. I was less than thrilled myself. BUT GUYS. You will be not just surprised, but flabbergasted over their talents. Russel Crow sings his ass off like the whole damned movie. He killed it as Javert (and I saw the great Roger Allam when we stopped in for a show on Broadway that I just happened to be at...yes. Be jealous.) Anne Hathaway, er-mah-gerd. Granted, she's good in just about everything but srsly. Victor Hugo couldn't have picked a better Fantine himself. Seyfried is great as Cosette. Granted adult Cosette isn't in much of the film but when she sings, it's perfect. Have I mentioned that they sang this movie in real time?!?! No over-polished studio dubbing. They sang the whole thing.

Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean? No words. No freaking words. Other than I'm in love with you and want to have your wolverine cubs.

No srsly, take me now.

The breakout performances have to go to Sacha Baron-Cohen and Helena Bonham Carter though. What they did with the Thénardiers is sheer perfection. Not only were they the perfect couple that everyone loves to hate, the depth of their depravity was more apparent then I have ever witnessed in any other Les Mis adaptation (and I'm pretty sure I've seen every one out there to date). Never did I think upon viewing this film I would walk away saying to myself, "Wow. Borat and Bellatrix were just amazing!"

*Public Announcement: Parents of newborns. Find a sitter. For the love of all that is chocolate, find a gee dee babysitter. Do not take your infant to a movie that is 3 hours long and contains cannon and musket-fire. What is wrong with you? Did you take stupid pills or something? I know you're running on little-to-no sleep and Les Mis is simply not a movie you can wait for the DVD, but pull your head out of your butt and find someone to watch your baby. Yes, the awful death-stare I gave you was totally warranted. Ruin my movie and I will ruin your face (not literally but I will give you the side-eye).
(there were not one but two couples in attendance at Les Mis who brought their newborn babies. while they were quieter than I anticipated, it's still outrageously dumb.)

Thoughts for Thursday: Things I Miss About Austin

In two weeks the hubs and I will be making a brief return to the ATX. We couldn't be more excited. It seems like everyday we have just one more place we want to see while we are there.

It's amazing how much you might never realize how lucky you are to live in such a great place, until you actively choose to live somewhere else. Don't get me wrong. We love our little house in the country. The silence is fabulous and I can't tell you how nice it is to live without neighbors cramping our style. Sassy can go on an all night barking rampage and the only people she's going to bother are us. That's beyond refreshing. There are some key things about life in the city that we sure do miss, though.

1. Rudy's BBQ - OMG what I would do for a 1/4 lb. of extra moist brisket right now......mmmmm...and some creamed corn. Sweet Baby Jesus that creamed corn could bring peace to the Middle East. Why haven't we tried that? Your move, government. But fo' realz, you just can't get good barbecue in this part of the state. Don't even try to suggest Hard 8. It's overpriced crap with a bunch of country decorations on the wall to trick you. Don't be fooled.

2. The Alamo Drafthouse Cinema - You might be wondering why I'm not posting movie reviews every Monday like the good ol' days. Well, it's because going to the movie theater kind of sucks now. Even if the theater nearest to us is playing the movie we want to see (which is damn near never) it still sucks. Since first moving to Austin, movies have become synonymous with fried pickle spears and an organic root beer. You know what I get at the regular movies? Popcorn and a cherry coke. How freaking lame is that? They don't even have mocha flavored milkshakes (with those little chocolate covered espresso beans on top). Get with the program people! Last weekend we went to see Lincoln (all the way in Abilene for goodness' sake) and the lady behind us started talking on her cell phone. At the drafthouse that kind of rude, ignorant, jackass behavior is punishable by banishment. Ok, that sounds extreme. But srsly, they'll kick your ass out.

And though we never actually attended a Master Pancake showing, we always talked about going and now I'm sad we never did. You'll always have a place in my heart Drafthouse. The place that loves nothing more than standing in line for an hour to sit in a room smelling vaguely of pee and being waited on by hipsters. Jesus, I miss this place.

3. Our Church - Are you surprised? I would be too if I knew me. We attended St. Mary's Cathedral in downtown Austin in an all too non-frequent manner. There for a while, we were really good about going to Sunday night Mass but when the wedding started quickly approaching, our attendance dropped some. In the middle of this uber hectic downtown, there rests a Cathedral almost as old as Austin herself. Outside are tall buildings, pigeons galore, and traffic that could put a person in convulsions. But inside, oh man inside, there is a peace that I've never experienced anywhere else. In fact, in the few times that we would make it early it was everything I had in me to keep me awake. I'm not sure if it's the incense or the dimmed lights or even the soothing voice of the Priests, this church was the very meaning of peace and security for me. There aren't even minutes in my day-to-day life that I'm not anxious about. In fact, at this very minute I'm anxious that you are hating me with every word I type because you love Hard 8 and everything about it. (If that's the case, I'm can learn to live with not being friends anymore. Clearly we have nothing in common.) Or maybe you're Protestant or Agnostic even and have been conditioned to believe us Catholics are just awful. I'm sure that's at least partly right, because, well most people are awful but that's true for all religions. Don't hate. I would never cast judgement on you for your beliefs. Walking in the heavy wooden doors of this outstanding landmark melts all of my anxieties away. Well, all but one. Can I just say how much I don't enjoy the "Peace be with you segment" of our beloved Mass? I have no qualms with wishing peace and happiness upon those sitting near me. No, not at all. But in this day of rapid spreading influenza, do we really have to shake hands? I don't know where you've been. I don't know when you've last washed your hands. That's quite a selfish attitude, I know.

personal picture taken by moi

4. Target - I have had a long love affair with Target. My workplace in Austin was withing walking distance to Target. I made that journey Every. Single. Day. Rain, snow or shine, I was there. Granted this was terrible for my pocket book, but good for my soul. I became quick friends with the cashiers and baristas. What's up Jasper and Rosa?! Miss you guys! Since moving to the boonies, the nearest store is 45 minutes away. The withdrawals are terrible. I often find myself browsing their website then quickly reminding myself that I have no money. I just need to be there. To smell the mixture of popcorn and Starbucks. To peruse the dollar section. To buy a chocolate milk and string cheese for second breakfast because I'm half hobbit.

5. Friends - no not the TV show. Actual friends. Part of moving back to the Stephenville area was supposed to be reuniting with my girlfriends...whom I've seen exactly twice in four months. That's not ok, but part of that blame falls on my lap for not being available on weekday nights. In Austin, my co-workers were my family. Of course there were those few family members that I wanted nothing more than to choke out (joking!) but for the most part I really truly loved every person there. It hurts my heart to not see these people day to day. There are things I thought I would never miss that I find myself pining for now. Like that one guy's crazy laugh, or diet tips that were really unwarranted, or finding your manager rocking in fetal position behind the store. I miss you guys. A lot. Be warned, there is a good chance I will tear up when I see you in two weeks. Mer, it's probably a good thing you'll be out of town because I could hug you to pieces. Literal pieces. Then I would pack you up and take you to work with me every day and prop you up in my office because work totally sucks without you.

Movie Review Whatevertheheckdaythisis: The TIme Traveler's Wife

After weeks and weeks of waiting for The Time Traveler's Wife to arrive in my mailbox sporting a certain red envelope, it's here.

After a very successful trip to the podiatrist (that's a story for another time) I decided to use the rest of my afternoon to just chill with this chick flick.

The short story of Time Traveler's Wife (free in iBooks) is an absolute fave of mine. Great read...great great read. There is an expanded novel version published in 2003 that has fantastic reviews but I have not read it...yet. Give me time. So as you can imagine, I was stoked to find a movie of the same title starring Eric Bana and Rachel McAdams.

Guess what....if I could time travel, I would go back to two hours ago and just put this piece of crap back in the mail.

Barf - o - rama

No amount of naked Eric Bana could make this a movie worth watching. It's corny, unbelievable, and just damn annoying. I can see where it would have rocked as a book, but the transition to screen freaking blows.

I expected more from exec producer Brad Pitt. I'm not sure why, but I did.

YouTube Tuesday: Have a yabba dabba do time

Oh my gosh guys, has it really been 6 whole weeks since I've been on here?

My deepest apologies to my friends, readers, and fellow bloggers who must have noticed a distinct drop in their page views.

The thing is...I've been swamped. Like so busy I don't have time to finish projects I started weeks ago. So busy I forget to shave my legs, write out my grocery lists, or get gas until that friendly little light comes on. This time of year is both my favorite, and when I'm at my most harried. I love the joy of Thanksgiving and Christmas but haaaaate how hectic it makes life.Working in retail during the holiday season is ugly enough, I won't bore you with the details.

 Remember when we were kids and the only thing we had to remember was when to set the VCR to tape The Flintstones Christmas Special? Yeah, that was nice. I miss that.

So here. Go. Watch. Forget about the wrapping paper, that damn elf on the shelf (srsly ladies, it's creepy), the endless lists of things to do. Gather your kids, or puppies, or kittens, or purple brontosauruses and enjoy.

Merry Christmas. Ho Ho Ho. Yabba Dabba Do.

Operation: Eat Like An Adult

Y'all...I eat like a 5 year old. Srsly. It's not even funny any more. I've decided that if I'm ever going to be healthy enough to grow a human being, I need to start eating better. Between my family history and diet habits, I am most definitely going to contract diabetes and or some form of cancer someday. Gestational diabetes is almost a certainty if I can ever talk my husband into procreating. I know that the change has to start with my diet. If I'm going to be a better, more energetic, healthier person/momma, I have to do like MJ says and start with the man (or woman) in the mirror.

You're welcome.

Now, let me apply a disclaimer and state that I am not starting any sort of diet or program. I'm not looking for a temporary weight loss solution. I'm looking for a life style change that fits my goals and will-power. For the love of gawd, I do not want to borrow your book on Paleo. K? K.

I'm not listening!

I am going to change the following:

No More Sodas!

Read my lips...no more soda, pop, cokes, or anything else that carbonated high fructose corn syrup is called. I've done this before but I'm going to make sure all of you hold me accountable to this long term. When I've cut out sodas in the past, I've instantly slimmed down. Again, my weight is not what I'm concerned about in this venture but my health. My aunt used to drink a few sodas a day and she got kidney stones. I know that if I don't cut them out, I'll be along that path. I do NOT want to experience kidney stones. Yikes.

Less Sugar!

I hate to admit this, but I freaking love sugar. I love all things sugar related. And I'm not just talking candy here, I'm talking about desserts, carbs that turn into sugar, natural sugars like fruit, and coffee syrups. OMG the coffee syrups. It's no secret that my love for Starbucks and the like knows no bound. I have a freaking gold card for goodness' sake. But I don't like my coffee, latte, or cappuccino black. No sir. I want that coffee to double as dessert. When I drink a latte, it's like I can actually hear myself getting fatter (gold star if you get that reference). So I'm going to use more splenda and cut back on the sugary syrups. Who knows, maybe one day I can drink my coffee black. I'm also giving up the little kid breakfast cereals. Bye bye Count Chocula...hello Special K!

More Veggies!

I'm really pretty good about eating my veggies. I love salads, even with spinach leaves. Granted, I freaking hate cooked spinach, but throw some raw leaves in my salad and I'm a happy camper. Bell peppers...that rings my bell. Cucumbers...not just for disgusting jokes anymore. Squash...yeah still pretty gross but I'll work on it. I've read (somewhere on the interwebs, not sure where) that veggies can lessen the risk for breast cancer...a major scare for me (and probably my husband).

Less Fried Foods

For the last 26 years "grease" has been the word. Not anymore. Case in point: my friend invited me out for Mexican today for lunch. Rather than getting grilled chicken, I chose the taco/cheese enchilada plate. Right now I have heartburn so bad I'm miserable. Why did i get that awful lunch? Why didn't I just say, Not today. Today I packed a healthy lunch so I'm going to have that instead. Idiot. Now I will hate myself until I can, maybe, quell the raging inferno in my chest with Tums when I get home...an hour and a half from now. Damn tacos! Damn all the tacos!

So for now friends, I ask for your support. Not your judgement or nit-picking. I will be healthy enough to have a baby some day. I just hope that day comes sooner than later. The older I get, the harder it's going to be

*cough cough that's what she said cough cough

 

YTT/WW: A Match Made in Disney Heaven

This week's YouTube Tuesday and Wedding Wednesday combine together to celebrate the nuptuals of my lovely Aunt Christina and her new husband Bill.

A little back story...

My mom's step-sister and brother (my aunt and uncle) are several years younger than my mom, making them not too many years older than me. So when I spent my summers with my grandparents, it was like gaining older siblings for a few months. It freaking rocked. I was close enough in age to hang out with them (because they're super nice) but young enough for them to still think I'm cute and not entirely a pain in the ass. It probably helped that I worshiped them like gods because they were teenagers and that was the highest form of cool in my world.

My aunt Christina has always had a serious thing for Disney movies. Like, she could put the Walt Disney World Guest Services people to shame. She even named her beautiful daughter, my Jr. Bridesmaid, Jasmine. I'm tossing around the idea of a "Bullseye" or "Nemo" myself. JK.

So in her and her new hubby prince's honor, here's a YouTube video of Disney (and some Fox Animation..smh) wedding scenes.

Chris, you outshone everyone of these princesses on Saturday. You were BEAUTIFUL. I'm just so sorry I couldn't be there. They really should make Texas and Michigan closer.

personal photo of the BEAUTIFUL bride via Aunt Linds

I have one more video for you today. It's not wedding related but it is Disney Princesses. If you're ever having a bad day, like for instance, you are missing out on one of your favorite-people-in-the-world's wedding, just watch this. It won't heal the hurt, but it will put a smile on your face.

You Go Glen Coco.

Movie Review Monday: Looper

Last weekend (sorry for the delay) the hubs and I made the journey into town to see Joseph Gordon Levitt's new film "Looper." Um, wow. First let me start off by saying, we are major MAJOR major JGL fans in this house. Like, the fact that my husband's first name is the name of a JGL character kind of sealed the deal for me. And Cam's had a pretty serious man-crush on him since 50/50, possibly since even before then. For me, it was "Angels in the Outfield" when I was 7. Hells yeah. So, it goes without saying that we. were. stoked. for "Looper."

Whoa.

Although "Looper" is set in the pretty near future, 2044, it isn't your average cautionary tale. The same themes were there as other "future" films...drugs, sex, and crime overload. But there wasn't a sob story moral of how we should change our lives now so the world doesn't go to Hell in a hand basket. That was slightly refreshing...but also scary as crap. According to this movie, shit's about to get real...and not in a good way.

I thought it was super long, but the film is really only 2 hours long. You're pumped with information for a long time before you really figure anything out and the whole thing feels like the climax of the movie. There's not a lot of build-up. Just OMG this is the craziest thing ever...no now this is...no wait, holy crap!

I took 5 things from this movie:

1. I will never be able to take the dad from "Raising Hope" seriously.

2. Bruce Willis was, is, and always will be a BAMF.

3. One day the whole world will be a city, just like in Star Wars.

Actually, Toto, we really are still in Kansas.

4. Little kids are terrifying.

(I can't find a picture of this on the entire Internet, but just take my word on this one.)

5. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a thespian genius. Somebody give this kid every award available.

Srsly...what can he NOT do?

I don't care...

What your political stance is. No really. Stop it. Don't you do it. Don't you comment on this with your own garbage. This is not the place.

I DO want you to watch this video though and just try not to laugh. I dare you. I watched this on my lunch break today thanks to the ladies at hahasforhoohas.com and I didn't just lol. I simultaneously lol'ed to the point of tears whilst choking on my Jimmy Johns and trying not to alert those in my office around me. Trust me, you need this in your life. Even if you're having THE. BEST. DAY. EVER. you will have an even better day after viewing this. Go on. Enrich your lives.

It's time to party, chumps.

Movie Review....yeah I suck at timing

Are you really surprised I didn't get my movie review out yesterday on time? You shouldn't be. Despite the fact that I own no less than 4 calendars that I reference everyday, I'm still behind on like everything. So, my bad. Also, there will probably not be a YouTube Tuesday today, because I have other shiz to do after writing this. Any apologies to those of you who can't work YouTube without me (I'm lookin' at you Dude).

Anywhoodle...this week we watched Blue Valentine starring Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams.

image via imdb.com

Now, before you let the movie poster sway you, don't. This is not your typical romance, Jesus knows it's not a Rom-Com. Dear hipster girls, if you were looking for a good I've-got-PMS-and-I-need-to-cry-my-eyes-out movie but P.S. I Love You is just to mainstream, well look no further. This will tug at everyone of your body odorous heart strings.

All-in-all this was a really good film. Damn worth every award that it won when it came out in 2010 (that's 20 nods and 3 wins, including an Oscar nomination). What it does is show you a typical family living day to day life. Adorable kid and goofy dad totally pissing off a busy and no-nonsense but loving mom. You start to feel bad for everyone involved. Poor Mom can't get her family to cooperate. Poor Dad can't catch a break for having fun with his daughter. Poor kid misses her run-away dog. Then-omg-then it shows how they got there...a side we almost never see in a movie. It's always one or the other. It's either a movie about how a young beautiful star-crossed couple meets and then fin. Or it's about a dysfunctional family and how they make it work. Not this movie. Oh no. It's both except the ending is closer to real life. I won't give it away but just know that by the end of the movie I looked like somebody had just told me chocolate was outlawed. In-freaking-consolable. I cried so hard my eyes burned for like an hour. Redic.

Oh oh oh! The other thing about this film, they make Ryan Gosling look like Ryan GROSSling...excuse me while I take a moment to laugh at my hilarious self. No seriously, take the hunkiest man alive and give him a receding hairline, an insatiable smoking habit, creepy facial hair, and the fugliest glasses known to man and you have his "present" day character. Oh the magic of the movies never ceases to amaze me.

Hey girl, let me melt your insides with my ukulele.

Hey Girl, let's share a Pabst over my copy of Guns N Ammo

All the while his character doesn't lose his love-for-life charm that he had in his youth, it's sort of annoying when he's not super hot too. Take note guys: if you're going to act like you're 20, look like it too. Otherwise grow up and stop eating raisins off the table. 

Also...ladies, please see Michelle Williams' character as a cautionary tale. Yes, life sucks and marriage is hard. Especially when you rush into it (def not the case here!). Don't let all of the bad stuff suck out the good. Even if your husband used to be a hunk and now looks like hell, give him a break. He's might need some help with his drinking (and his wardrobe) but if he's a good dad and a good husband, appreciate it. Appreciate each other. Life is hard enough as it is, lean on each other through the hard times rather than push each other away. Obviously, if you absolutely can't make it work, don't let your kids suffer. They need to know how to resolve conflict but if there isn't anything but conflict then don't make them live in a home without love. Two homes with love is better than one with hate.

I give Blue Valentine an A. Art imitates life in this film, and we as viewers should learn from Dean and Cindy.

Funnie Friday

K guys, I know it isn't YouTube Tuesday, but something very important was brought to my attention. There is a YouTube video of "Teach Me How To Dougie" set to the 90's kids show brilliance that was Doug.

Watch. Laugh. Cross this off of your Bucket List.

Oh. Em. Gee.

YouTube Tuesday: So Over It.

Guys, it's official. I'm breaking up with Glee. We had a good run, but I just can't do it anymore. This afternoon, I'm deleting it off of my Hulu+ Queue for good. I'm hoping we can remain friends, or at least casual acquaintances, but the romance is dead.

Let me take you back...way back...way way way back to when yours truly was in high school. You see, as a member of choir, drama club, and pep squad I was a veritable tri-fecta of Loser. I was everything that teen sitcoms of the early 2000s made fun of. Being friends with half of the marching band and being in every honors class possible didn't help either. So when Glee premiered years later, I couldn't even watch it because it rang so close to home. It wasn't until the end of season 1 that I flipped over to Fox, because of a particularly gruesome scene on Grey's Anatomy, and saw the embodiment of my every dream-Idina Menzel-singing my favorite Les Mis song with Rachel.

And with that, I was hooked. I quickly transitioned to a full on Gleek before the season finale. I devoted my Summer Thursday nights to catching up on the story lines through re-runs. I downloaded album after album from iTunes. I fell hard and fast for Finn, Puck, and Jesse. By the time season 2 premiered with Empire State of Mind, I dropped Grey's like a bad habit and rose my Freak Flag even higher.

All through seasons 2 and 3, Glee and I were tighter than ever. I welcomed new characters like Sam and Coach Beiste. Together we sang, we laughed, we even cried at times. I even got my husband to watch it with me by agreeing to play the Glee Drinking Game. The season 3 finale, oh my goodness. I cried for twenty minutes even after it was over. Watching the gang put Rachel on that bus and seeing her arrive in Times Square, good lord, it was the thing drama nerds' dreams are made of.

But...

But...

But...Season 4? No. The new class? No.

Marley is NOT the new Rachel. Kitty is NOT the new Quinn. Unique is NOT the new Mercedes. And though he may be a Puckerman (in the weakest, easiest, lamest storyline ever) Jake is NOT the new Puck. And for the love of Pete, Kate Hudson will NEVER EVER EVER be the new Sue. Gag me with a spoon.

Glee producers, I know you are making BANK off of this show and are doing everything you can to keep the money train rolling. But let's face it, you really should have quit while you were ahead. This show used to be creative and fun, now it just blows. It's embarrassing how bad this season is and there's only been 2 episodes.

So let me know when there's a Jonathan Groff cameo, until then I'm out.

Youtube Tuesday: Two Things

I know. I'm late on my blog post...again. Sorry pals. I cannot even begin to explain to you how crazy work has been this week. Mostly because I've vowed to not blog about work. So you'll just have to accept my word that this week has been bananas.

Ok...I guess maybe we should scratch that title and call it Three Things since I kind of intro'ed with a video.

So first, um second, thing: Today I am a big cousin for the 8th time over! Flower Girl Gabizilla becomes Big Sister Gabzilla today...un-freaking-believable. Where does the time go?!?! It seems like it was just yesterday I got a very excited phone call from my Aunt K announcing Gab's arrival. That was almost 5 years ago though, and now it's time for her to play big sis to a sweet baby girl that we all can't wait to meet. So for today's first, dammit SECOND, video, I want to share a video full of the best thing in the world...BABY LAUGHS!!!! Who doesn't find baby laughs infectious? Voldemort probably. But that has to be it. Unless you don't have a soul...in that case, get off my blog! One day I hope to install my own tiny human laughing thing...a baby. One day! NOT TODAY. Get off of my case Grandpa! JK (sort of) ;)

For our final video today, I want to provide a public service. Should you ever find yourself as a proud owner of a mandolin slicer, USE THE FREAKING HAND GUARD. It will suck at holding your vegetables (or fruit, or potatoes, or anything else you plan on slicing), but it is absolutely vital that you protect your fingers. I know from experience. On Sunday afternoon, I sliced off a pretty sizable chuck of my thumb. I haven't lost that much blood since my last minor surgery. It still hurts like a b-word. It might help if I stop accidentally banging it into things. I would also like to stop wearing a crazy big band-aid but the stupid thing won't scab over. The rest of my thumb itches....gah! Ok. Enough about my appendages, or lack thereof. Here is how to properly use a mandolin:

And for the record, my days with the mandolin are over. Hubby says I can't even play the mandolin guitar. Looks like his days of slicing vegetables are about to be bountiful. Keep in mind this is the man who almost cut his whole finger off on a pickle jar. Maybe we should institute a no sharp objects rule in our house. Maybe. Definitely.

Movie Review Monday: The Campaign

Good grief, not THAT campaign. Are y'all as over it as I am? Can it be the second Wednesday in November now?

I'm talking about THIS campaign....

Yeah, I know. "The Campaign" came out over a month ago. It is a rare moment when my husband and I can go watch a movie together.  But we made it happen last weekend. Sure I should have posted this review the following Monday but work has been fifty shades of cray. Between usual mayhem there was a certain announcement made last week to kick things into overdrive.

The movie was all around pretty good. I wouldn't say it was fantastic. It was hilarious as to be expected but that's the thing...it was all pretty expected. We've all experienced the genius that is Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis has made his way into this gal's heart. By now, we've seen these characters. The dim-witted a-hole is Ferrell's bread and butter. Galifianakis is a borderline-mentally-challenged middle aged child at heart with well meaning intentions. In fact, I'm pretty sure Galifianakis just recycled his character "Seth Galifianakis" from his stand up. Zach plays his twin brother Seth who is remarkably similar to "Campaign" character Marty Huggins.

Gut-busting hilarious, no doubt, but totally seen before.

I recommend that you wait until this movie is out on Blu-Ray and share it with your ADULT friends over a bottle of wine and a big bowl of popcorn. This movie is def not kiddo-friendly. There are lots of (again, totally expected) raunchy jokes taken to the limit.

The real humor for me is seen best in the campaign managers played by Jason Sudeikis and Dylan McDurmott. These two really made the movie worth watching. McDurmott, who usually plays serious roles like his long run role on The Practice, was surprisingly awesome. His stealth-like campaign tactics were dead-on to what I can only imagine what goes on behind the scenes on real campaigns. Sudeikis' character seemed to be the only person in that town with any sense about him. Gotta love the humor that comes from someone who doesn't have to be wacky for the laughs.

Sudeikis and McDurmott in center being funny, and let's face it, totally sexy.

My rating: B+

One Year Ago Today

One year ago today, is a day that I will never forget.
One year ago today, you said "Goodbye."
One year ago today, you announced that you would not be at my wedding.
One year ago today, you walked out of that church rec room and out of my life.
One year ago today, you told me that you needed a pet more than your daughter.
One year ago today, you told me I was a bad daughter for not financially supporting you.
One year ago today, you told me I was a bad mom to my dogs.
One year ago today, you told me I was a bad person all around.
One year ago today, you told me my husband and any future children do not matter as much as you.
One year ago today, you disgraced a group of women that have always supported you despite your displays of mild hatred.
One year ago today, your mother told me that once you were gone I would have no family left. She was false in that statement.
One year ago today, you did me a huge favor.

BECAUSE

One year ago today, I found my resolve.
One year ago today, I became my own woman.
One year ago today, I grew up.
One year ago today, my soul awoke from a shame enduced slumber.
One year ago today, a 44 year old weight was lifted off of my shoulders.
One year ago today, I felt all of the guilt and shame and sadness for being alive slide out of my heart.
One year ago today, I found pride in myself.
One year ago today, I gained control of my own life.
One year ago today, I found a closeness with God that I didn't know was there before.
One year ago today, I saw the true meaning of family.
One year ago today, I got the best damned pedicure of my life.
One year ago today, I learned how to be happy.
One year ago today, I felt the embrace of someone that loves me for who I am, not what I can do for them.
One year ago today, I became truly thankful.

THANK YOU

Thank you for teaching me that I can always rely on myself to get things done.
Thank you for teaching me why it isn't ok to break down in a moment of crisis.
Thank you for teaching me that happiness comes from myself, not those around me.
Thank you for instilling in me a constant need to impress.
Thank you for showing me that I can get a lot more done behind the scenes.
Thank you for teaching me that it really is necessary to grow up and be my own woman.
Thank you for teaching me that it is important to know how to get along with those across the nation.
Thank you for letting me see rock bottom time and time again.
Thank you for teaching me what is appropriate and inappropriate for my children to witness.
Thank you for instilling in me an appreciation for my dad that knows no bounds.

NO REALLY, THANK YOU

In all seriousness, thank you for teaching me that endless reruns of "I Love Lucy" can cure any childhood sickness.
In all seriousness, thank you for making education my first priority in life.
In all seriousness, thank you for trying as hard as you did. I know it must have been hard to look past the center of the universe to make sure I stayed alive.
In all seriousness, thank you for letting me spend summers with my grandparents. They did more for me in 6 weeks away than 3 months at home by myself could have ever done.
In all seriousness, thank you for getting me out of a bad situation, the first time.
In all seriousness, thank you for letting me dance to the beat of my own drum.
In all seriousness, thank you for being there those last two years of high school.