Thoughts For Thursday: Round 2

Yes, I know that title says Thursday. Yes, I know it's Friday. Yes, I am freaking elated that it's not actually Thursday; however, I did not get to write the second part to yesterday's "Thoughts" post due to an unusually busy afternoon.

When I was a Junior in high school, I had an a-mah-zing AP English teacher who taught me more about life, character, and creativity than grammar (she did in fact teach me quite a bit about grammar writing that I still use today.) I will always hold a place in my heart for Mrs. Mixon. Once a week Mrs. Mixon would have us pull out a notebook (back in my day we used the paper kind) and just write. Write stream of thought. She just wanted us to put every thought that we had down on paper. Sometimes she would read them, sometimes she wouldn't. If I were her, I wouldn't want to read the every fleeting thought of a bunch of 16-year-olds, especially the boys.Yuck.

A lot of these stream of thought entries helped me realize some quirks about myself. It helped me realize what set me apart from my friends, what my family really meant to me, and why it getting dumped for the first time probably wasn't the end of the world. It also helped me realize I need to work on organizing my thoughts before attempting college at an Ivy League school. The Ivy League thing never happened...and let's be honest, neither did organizing my thoughts. I have a hard time staying focused on one thing at a time. Saturday, while trying to take care of a few household chores, I found myself unpacking a box, doing dishes, and a starting a load of laundry simultaneously. You might say that's multi-tasking, but throw in Mystic Pizza on Netflix, and an hour later, I've only started these things. I haven't finished a single one because I forgot what I was doing while I was doing it. Squirrel! (You're welcome fellow Disney fans).

You can't not love this movie. It's impossible.

I thought I would try writing in stream of thought today, just to see what's changed in my mind over the past 10 (ZOMG TEN!!!! AHHH!!!) years. So here is fair warning, there will be little to no pictures. This will be random and long. Here's your chance to back out now.

READY, SET, GO!

I like coke. The cola, not the drug. Even though the cola used to have the drug as a main ingredient. I know it's poison. I know it will give me diabetes. I know my health is permanently depleted due to my love of coke. But it tastes good and I like it. I don't like the way it leaves my mouth covered in a syrup-like film. I don't like the judgement that I feel from every person on the damn planet because I like coke. Water gives me acid-reflux sometimes. Granted that's usually because I'm eating something deplorable and you just can't mix healthy with terrible, but that is usually why I chose a coke or similar cola to go with my meal.

Chill.

I also like milk. Like, a lot. I know, it's gross. It's not natural. Humans are the only mammal that chooses to drink the milk from another mammal. But I don't want to drink breast milk, natural or otherwise. Some lady's boob juice just isn't what I want with my cheerios in the morning. Mmmm cheerios. Again, I know that milk will be the ultimate cause of my demise. I know it's fattening, I know it's sugary, I know it causes acne, and obesity, and cancer, and probably nuclear war. I hate when people say nuke-u-lar. Why would you knowingly chose to sound ignorant? I guess maybe the same reason I chose to drink milk, the devil's (boob) nectar. But I like skim milk. No fat. Just yums. And, it's pasteurized for goodness' sake. It's not like I crawl under a cow every morning to get my fix.



This kid would though.

 Someone is using the vending machine. I wish it was me. No monies + an affinity for snacks = sad chubby girl. Oh wait! Some one's going on a donut run! Must. Not. Eat. Them. All. I probably shouldn't have any. I'll probably keel over after just one bite. Stupid hipsters and their healthy eating propaganda. Why can't I just enjoy life. I know to keep everything in moderation. I had a cup of white rice for dinner last night. That's pretty good right? I know babe, it should have been brown rice. Brown rice is obviously the holier-than-thou choice for rice. Unless you're paleo. Then all grains are Satan. There's no winning. No matter if I went on an all tree-bark diet, someone somewhere would judge me for making poor food choices. I'm saying screw it. As long as my family is fed and doesn't have an unhealthy reliance on fast food, then screw the rest of the world. Forget your smack talk, hipsters. I don't care if you think I should live solely off of quinoa and organic carrots. I'm sure in a week you'll come up with some reason why carrots are evil too.

I wish our air conditioner would fix itself. I think I almost died in my sleep last night from the heat. How in the hell did people live in this state before air conditioners? They must have been out of their minds. At least when it's cold you can build a fire. But you can't make it cold without electricity. Thanks to my husband for saving my life though. Out of nowhere, he busted in like Captain America with a window unit AC that wasn't really doing anything for the living room. I thought it wasn't doing a lot because it looked like it was from 1832 (joking of course) but once he installed it in the bedroom, that thing was a rock star. I actually had to get under the quilt. The jump from 95 degrees (my estimate) to a cool 73 degrees (again, my estimate) gave me a slight headache when I woke up though. Headaches + finally being comfy in bed = not an easy wake up. Starbucks was definitely in my future.



Mmmm Salted Caramel Mocha...which looks like Spotted Camel Mocha when written in chalk

 The cashier at the Camp Bowie starbucks is really nice. I want to hug her. She butchers my name but I'll be damned if she isn't the sweetest person I've ever met that early in the morning.

I have to go to the bank now. Lame.

See ya around.

Thoughts for Thursday Round 1

I promise I'm not starting another weekly post series. I think we've all realized how bad I am at holding myself accountable to that.

I can't make any promises that Movie Review Monday will be consistent because we live so effing far away from a movie theater worth our hard earned money BUT Wedding Recap Wednesday will live on...as soon as we get the desktop set up and find that effing wedding photo cd among the mass of unpacked boxes.

I know what you're thinking...dude, why in the hell aren't you unpacked yet? Haven't you lived in this gee dee house for like over a month. Yes. Yes we have. We have a bit of a spider infestation on the screened in porch where the boxes are stored though. And I don't mean those little tiny cardboard spiders that you don't even see until you adjust your focus just right and there it is hanging in front of your face. No, these are not Magic Eye Poster spiders (Yes, I made up the name of that particular brand of arachnids. Your move Science.) These are the biggest spiders I have ever laid eyes on apart from tarantulas. Or that thing in Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets. But I definitely act like Ron Weasley the first time he met Aragog the Acromantula.


Yikes.



Srsly.

I know that it is completely ridiculous to be terrified of spiders. If one more person asks me if I knew that I was bigger than a spider I'm going to smack them right across the face. This is Texas people. My old boss lost a chunk of his butt when a brown recluse bit him...on his butt. I need all chunks of my body to remain on my body, thank you. Unless you know a spider that performs liposuction.

 I've had more run-ins with black widows than I care for. And not the sweet pig loving Charlotte's Web kind. The I'll kill your ass if you come near me kind. So that is why I have not made a bigger effort to unpack and find the wedding cd. Because I am scared shitless nervous to be in my own house. I have to talk myself into sleeping at night without imagining a thousand spiders in my bed.

fabulous portrait created by yours truly

So in short, that is why there hasn't been a Wedding Recap Wednesday in forever. Please console each other in this trying time. I know how much you love to hear me ramble on and on about my wedding and show you pictures that you've already seen on facebook. It's like I'm in your head, I know.

Addiction is ugly

Hi my name is Mrs. Chatkins and I'm addicted to caffeine. (you don't have to say hi back, it's ok, I promise)

For the last 3 years or so, I've established a horrible addiction to caffeine. Not just coffee but red bull and monster and rock star...oh my.

I used to start my day off with a hot black tea. Not bad right? Well by noon my eyelids would be drooping and off to Target I would go for a pick-me-up. As long as I didn't have any caffeine after 3 pm my sleep habits didn't suffer. All was well (except presumably my health but whatevs).

These days, life is a little different. You see, we live in the boonies. I mean middle of freaking nowhere. BFE. Nowheresville. The smallest town you've ever been to is a major metropolitan city compared to the area around our house. Being that we live like the freaking Ingalls family (if you don't get LHOTP references, we can no longer be friends) there isn't much in the way of gain full employment. So I haul my little pioneer ass to the big city every morning, a whopping sixty minutes away. In order to get to work on time at 7:30 am, I have to wake up no later than 5:30 am. No matter how early I go to bed 5:30 is just not a time when I can function. If you want to see a good zombie impression, you should see me when I wake up. Except instead of searching for brains, I'm searching for caffeine and news. The news really is the only thing shocking enough these days to jolt my brain out of sleep-mode.

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Last night, after taking a nap at 6 pm (what?! I'm exhausted from being up and at em at the crack of dawn!) I came up with the most brilliant plan. Like, you should get out your Blue's Clues handy dandy note book and write this down. It's ok....I'll wait.

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Ready?

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Okay! So I remembered a year or so ago, my dear friend and book club fellow Laura gave me the best method for making iced coffee (a must when it is a hundred and hell degrees outside): brew a big pot of extra strong coffee and pour it into a pitcher that has a lid. Place said pitcher in the refrigerator over night and in the morning...voila! She also recommended using agave nectar for syrup but I just go straight for the creamer that will inevitably give me cancer and/or diabetes in the near future.

So I'm brewing my coffee and I remembered something that I repinned on Pinterest a few days ago. Ice cubes made out of coffee for all of your iced and frozen coffee drinks! Ermahgerd! Kerfee! Since posting on facebook, my totally stolen from Pinterest ingenious idea, my childhood bestie K suggested using xanathum gum to "keep it from seperating." I really don't know what that means...I'm assuming it's something that happens when you make a frapp. I won't be doing that in the morning anytime soon as long as the hubs is working nights. He might make his own very realistic zombie impression if I bust out the blender at 5:30 am. My "soul twin" Christel also reminded me that I could use said coffee iced cubes in a glass of Bailey's. Probably not first thing in the morning, but I'll make damned sure to try that one of these weekends.

So I know my caffeine addiction is a problem. I'm sure that it will push me toward an early grave and I should try whatever herbal remedy you're ready to throw at me. Plus I should exercise and hug trees and volunteer and adopt kitties and then my chakra will be aligned and the mother earth Gaia will keep me naturally energized and awake. Um yeah, the next gym isn't for like 20 miles. I'm allergic to trees and kitties...and volunteering (ok not the last one but the other two for sure). So spare me hipsters. We all have our own brand of poison and I think as long as mine is coffee and not heroin, I'm on a pretty good path.

***And no I do not want to try Spark from AdvoCare. I swear to Josh that I will unfriend your butt in a matter of seconds if you try pushing that crap on me. You can partake in any pyramid scheme you want but I don't want any part of it. No ma'am.

Movie Review Monday: Haaaave You Met Ted?

Sorry, sorry. I can't help but throw in a little HIMYM humor when I can.

But of course I'm not talking about this Ted:

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But THIS Ted:


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While I have not been so kind in my previous movie reviews, I have to say this one was definitely worth the cost of tickets. I give it a solid A-.

Naturally, the idea of a living, talking, bong-hitting teddy bear is pretty far-fetched so anyone who comes out of this movie saying, "I just didn't think it was very believable" needs to get smacked right across the face. Neither is Star Trek, dip-shit, but I bet you watch the hell out it.

Most of the movie runs like one long Family Guy episode, but that's to be expected in Seth MacFarlane's first feature length film.

Mark Wahlberg is....well, Mark Wahlberg (terrible 1-dimensional actor but pretty to look at and at least sounds like he's from Boston).



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 Mila Kunis is spectacular as usual. She's so equally funny and gorgeous that it just isn't freakin' fair. Couldn't she at least have a tail or something?

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Being that "Ted" is CG-animation and brought to life by Seth MacFarlane himself, he's pretty much the funniest piece of fluff since Alf. A fuzzy alien who eats "cats" is pretty hard to beat though.



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 The real break out stars of this movie though? Joel McHale and Giovanni Ribisi.


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While it's absolutely no surprise that Joel McHale would play a really good asshole or that Giovanni Ribisi would be a really good creeper...they really showcase their natural born talents in "Ted." McHale is always deliciously funny but casted as a sexual harassing boss? Wow. Hats off to the casting director on that one. I mean, seriously, bravo. It probably wasn't a long list for that role but you really hit the nail on the head. And let's face it, creepy dad is the role that Ribisi was born to play. From the time that he was on Friends we've all thought the same thing "does that guy have a horrible disease or is he just a serial killer?" There is a scene where he dances to Tiffany's "I Think We're Alone Now" and I, hand to God, spilled my popcorn because I was laughing so hard. Honestly, people, if that doesn't make you want to run out and buy tickets, well you don't have a sense of humor whatsoever. Life is probably going to be hard for you.

All-in-all I have to say "Ted" is a gut-busting good time. It probably isn't going to change your life but you will have sore abdominal muscles from laughing for 2 hours straight. If you are easily offended, this probably isn't your flick. You should really grow a funny bone though. God won't be upset with you, I'm almost sure of it.

I know after watching this movie, everyone wishes they had a magical bear like Ted, but I sort of wish that instead of a foul-mouthed bear, I had a sassy talking Cabbage Patch kid to rank of other people's clothing options with. Maybe a skanky Barbie with heart of gold. No no, Cabbage Patch Kid it is. That weird little belly button and butt tattoo always make me smile.

YouTube...Wednesday?!?!

Sorry for the delay in YouTube Tuesday guys. I've been outlandishly sick this week. First a stomach virus that the doctor said I probably picked up from eating something weird. Then yesterday I came down with a sinus infection out of nowhere. So today I'm posting yesterday's weekly in between NyQuil induced naps and Pinterest searches for Vick's remedies.

Some of you know that on Friday evening, the hubs and I went to the Summerland Tour concert at the Moody Theater here in Austin. Even though I was sick, it was still the most epic concert of my life. Each act got better and better. By the time the evening ended, I was on cloud 90s (tee hee). Granted that could be due to the vodka+red bulls that I downed like water. I promise I will write a whole post about our evening when I'm feeling better. But just to wet your appetites for now, here is one 90s music video from each band that we saw that night. Remember when music videos were still on TV? Ah those were the good ol' days.

All videos courtesy of YouTube...obviously. On another note, there will be no Wedding Recap Wednesday this week...sorry. I know that's two weeks in a row but I need to go lay down now. Ugh.

YouTube Tuesday: F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

This week I kind of suck as a blogger.

Movie Review Monday was a major disappointment, today I have not a single relevant video for YouTube Tuesday, and due to the holiday, tomorrow there will be no Wedding Recap Wednesday. My apologies to all of you who actually read this drivel.

With that, I leave you a mix of some of the best moments of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. All of us who grew up in the 90s know what an awesome show this was and how it affected American culture as we know it. Rarely does a day go by that I don't catch a rerun at least once. Gotta love syndication.

Movie Review Monday: The King's Speech

So I really wanted to have some alliteration in today's edition of Movie Review Monday with Magic Mike. The fates would not allow it though. My friends and I got totally box-blocked (look it up at Urban Dictionary) at the theater yesterday when we tried to see Misters Tatum, McConaughey, Bomer and friends. We're going to try again tomorrow after work, hopefully with much more success. Get prepared for a full review next week.

This week's MRM will have to be about critically acclaimed and Academy Award winning The King's Speech. Those of you who know me well, know that I am a fah-reak when it comes to the British monarchy. I have no less than 3 books on the Tudor Dynasty. I watch PBS specifically to learn about Queen Elizabeth II's life on and before the throne. I know, I know. N.E.R.D.

I really expected to enjoy the story of Elizabeth II's father. Unfortunately, I thought it was beyond boring. I didn't even watch the whole movie. I just couldn't force myself to spend two hours reliving King George II get over his stammering problem. I will say the actors were fantastic! Helena Bonham Carter never ceases to amaze me. God that woman has talent spewing from her pores. And Colin Firth was amaze-balls as usual. The story line just didn't do anything for me. I felt like it could have been covered in 30 minutes rather than 2 hours. My apologies to the academy...I would hate to disagree with you, but that shit was lame.



Zzzzz Zzzzz Zzzzz



Now this looks much more entertaining



Movie Review Monday: Rock of Ages (NWR)

You might be wondering what the deal-io is with all of the NWR (non wedding related) non sequitur posts. There's 3 simple answers to this.
1) I'm sort of sick about talking about the wedding. I mean I loved it, I'm glad we did it. I'm just ready to move on.
2) In an effort to keep myself regularly blogging, I need structure in my life. So you will see "Movie Review Mondays" "YouTube Tuesdays" and "Wedding Recap Wednesdays" (well, until I can't possibly talk about the wedding anymore. Don't fret my pets, there's a lot to cover. Please contain your excitement.)
3) The scatter-brained crazy person writing this blog cannot possibly keep her train of thought on one subject. My apologies to all of you stream-lined thinking normal people. Also, you suck.

So without further ado...

When we saw the first ad for Rock of Ages while watching TV one night, I looked at my husband with the biggest "please please please!" smile slapped across my face. The same one that I use when I want fried pickles at...well anywhere that serves fried pickles. Being that it premiered on June 15th, my rationalization was "you can take me for my birthday". He reminded me that he was getting me a purse for my birthday and then I reminded him that it is possible to do both. Well the 15th came and went with my hubby out of town. You might remember my lament from a couple of posts ago. So when this weekend rolled around, this movie was my mission in life.

Friday night: sold out.  :(
Saturday night: sold out.  >:(
Sunday afternoon: SUCCESS!  :D

After being disappointed all weekend, we made sure to purchase tickets several hours in advance and showed up to the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema almost a whole hour before the movie started to get in line. A little excessive, I know, but dammit I was not going to miss Tom Cruise as Stacee Jaxx.

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I mean seriously. That guy, craze-balls as he might be, is one EPIC chamellion.

Once we got settled into our seats we ordered our food and drinks. If you aren't familiar with the Alamo Drafthouse, they have a full menu plus a bar menu. Granted, the food there is a little pricey so a night at the movies for two can be upwards of $50. The hubs ordered green chile queso fries and a beer. I stuck with a small (small = humongous) popcorn and a Dr. Pepper and we shared some fried pickle spears. Honestly...Frued would probably have a hay-day with my obsession with fried pickles.

Another perk of the Drafthouse is that before the movie starts, en lieu of lame trivia, they play cartoons or film clips pertaining to the movie that you are about to watch. So for Rock of Ages they played 80s hair-band music videos. It was both nastolgic and hilarious. David Lee Roth is a ham...and probably killer in the sack...just sayin'.

All in all the movie was pretty awesome. There were some goof-ball moments that I know made my husband roll his eyes. I wanted to punch Julianne Hough in the face pretty much everytime she came on screen...which was a lot, being that she was the lead. Alec Baldwin and Russel Brand were hilarious as usual but left me wishing they had rehearsed more. Mary J. Blige blew me out of the water. I mean wow. And Tom Cruise! Holy Crap was he awesome! Genius...just genius. Diego Boneta was...well...cute. And he had a fantastic singing voice. That's about it. I'm not a movie star or anything but I feel like you don't want your viewers thinking "well, at least he's attractive."

I bet the play is killer. If it's still running when we (someday far far off into the future) go to NYC I hope we can get tickets. It was clearly pulled straight from broadway with little to no adaptation. There were times when I could actually see the stage set in my head.

Thoughts leaving the theater:
Mr. Catkins: "I didn't know it was a musical."
Mrs. Chatkins: "Seriously? Have we met? Of course it was a musical."
Mr. Catkins: "Dork."

Ahhh wedded bliss.