Edge of Glory: Gifts that Rock

A couple of weeks before the wedding Mr. Catkins and I agreed to set a $20 limit on our wedding day gifts to each other. One of us held up our end of the agreement. One of us is really glad that the other one did not, in fact, hold up his end of the agreement.

For Mr. Catkins gift, I wrote a note telling him very mushy personal things. I actually stepped out of my bitchy shell and told him my true genuine feelings. Shocking, I know. And just to make sure he knew that I didn't have a stroke, I wrote out the "you're the cheese to my macaroni" scene from Juno.

Much Better

Then I put together a "Groom's Wedding Day Survival Kit." I have to admit I found most of this idea online, and I cannot for the life of me remember where. Probably Weddingbee. Oh, and I've also lost all the pictures that I had of it. Changing phones is clearly one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. Anywhoodle, here's a list of what was in it. I put a homemade tag around each item with a cute description of what it was for.

• Carmex "For Kissably Soft Lips"
• Tic Tacs "For Stank Breath"
• Compass "To Help You Find the Aisle"
• Antique Pocket Watch "So You Make It On Time"
• Small bottle of liquor "Liquid Courage...like you need it"
• Tums "Tum Tum Tum Tum" (wedding march)
• Tide Pen "Keepin' It Real" (we are both notorious for spilling food on our clothes)

I feel certain there was more, but like I said, I've lost all photo documentation of this gift. He seemed to be moderately amused by it. I think he appreciated the note more than anything. Plus, he generally thinks crafts are lame so maybe I should have just stuck with the antique pocket watch. But noooo, I had to get all "Pinterest" on that shiz.

Now: His gift to me.

Let me say this. There were some pimp-ass sunglasses in this gift bag, but the real gift? Proof that he listens. I've been wanting some Ray-Ban Wayfarers for more than a year. But I'm that person that loses sunglasses every time I turn around so I always end up buying them from Sam Moon for less than $10. That is the real reason why I start crying. Oh for goodness' sake, the photos tell the story itself.

Shut. The. Front. Door.

He listened!

Oh Jesus, he listened.

Ugly cry face. Awesome.

Real women fan their face when they cry. It's a curvy thing.

Waterproof - my big white ass.

Someone put these away and make it stop!

 Attention Grooms: If you want your bride to become super emotional, don't write a sappy note. In fact just forget the note altogether. Don't buy jewelry. Just get some sweet Ray-Ban's and she will lose her shit like she's watching The Notebook for the first time.----Is apparently what popped into my husband's head days before the wedding.

I will admit that it does make me sad that my gift didn't leave as much of an impact, but I'm pretty selfish so I'm cool with being the one to receive the cool gift. Just tryin' to keep it real yo.

All photos by Illuminate Photography unless otherwise noted.

YouTube Tuesday: Portlandia

Recently, thanks to my friend A, I discovered a little show called Portlandia.

Source

It's a short-based comedy starring and written by Carrie Brownstein and SNL's Fred Armisen on IFC - the Independent Film Channel. The show is centered around the hipster-Mecca, Portland, Oregon. Granted I've never been there, but living in another Hipster Paradise, Austin, I definitely understand everything. Some people take defense as if they're attacking today's progressive lifestyle, but really it's a sort of hubris. Most people I know are guilty of many of the topics that they make fun of. Hell, I saw myself reflected in both the "technology overload" and "put a bird on it" shorts. Even though I constantly bitch about hipsters, I know that compared to my immediate friends and family I'm practically a fat Zoeey Deschanel.


Source

There's a particular short on Portlandia that struck pretty close to home. And by home I mean the place where I spend most of my waking hours, work.

"You want the Simply Everything Plus Plan"
"What's that?"
"It's simply everything...plus text."
OMG...that is freaking hilarious. I know you're supposed to get mad at the Wireless Toyz employee, but I feel for him. Trust me, he doesn't want to be as big of a doucher as he is forced to be.

Thus ends another YouTube Tuesday. Thanks for hanging out with me. Oh, and you can find Season 1 of Portlandia (which includes the episode with this clip) on Netflix.

Portland--it's where young people go to retire.

Movie Review Monday: Rock of Ages (NWR)

You might be wondering what the deal-io is with all of the NWR (non wedding related) non sequitur posts. There's 3 simple answers to this.
1) I'm sort of sick about talking about the wedding. I mean I loved it, I'm glad we did it. I'm just ready to move on.
2) In an effort to keep myself regularly blogging, I need structure in my life. So you will see "Movie Review Mondays" "YouTube Tuesdays" and "Wedding Recap Wednesdays" (well, until I can't possibly talk about the wedding anymore. Don't fret my pets, there's a lot to cover. Please contain your excitement.)
3) The scatter-brained crazy person writing this blog cannot possibly keep her train of thought on one subject. My apologies to all of you stream-lined thinking normal people. Also, you suck.

So without further ado...

When we saw the first ad for Rock of Ages while watching TV one night, I looked at my husband with the biggest "please please please!" smile slapped across my face. The same one that I use when I want fried pickles at...well anywhere that serves fried pickles. Being that it premiered on June 15th, my rationalization was "you can take me for my birthday". He reminded me that he was getting me a purse for my birthday and then I reminded him that it is possible to do both. Well the 15th came and went with my hubby out of town. You might remember my lament from a couple of posts ago. So when this weekend rolled around, this movie was my mission in life.

Friday night: sold out.  :(
Saturday night: sold out.  >:(
Sunday afternoon: SUCCESS!  :D

After being disappointed all weekend, we made sure to purchase tickets several hours in advance and showed up to the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema almost a whole hour before the movie started to get in line. A little excessive, I know, but dammit I was not going to miss Tom Cruise as Stacee Jaxx.

Source: WM Magazine

I mean seriously. That guy, craze-balls as he might be, is one EPIC chamellion.

Once we got settled into our seats we ordered our food and drinks. If you aren't familiar with the Alamo Drafthouse, they have a full menu plus a bar menu. Granted, the food there is a little pricey so a night at the movies for two can be upwards of $50. The hubs ordered green chile queso fries and a beer. I stuck with a small (small = humongous) popcorn and a Dr. Pepper and we shared some fried pickle spears. Honestly...Frued would probably have a hay-day with my obsession with fried pickles.

Another perk of the Drafthouse is that before the movie starts, en lieu of lame trivia, they play cartoons or film clips pertaining to the movie that you are about to watch. So for Rock of Ages they played 80s hair-band music videos. It was both nastolgic and hilarious. David Lee Roth is a ham...and probably killer in the sack...just sayin'.

All in all the movie was pretty awesome. There were some goof-ball moments that I know made my husband roll his eyes. I wanted to punch Julianne Hough in the face pretty much everytime she came on screen...which was a lot, being that she was the lead. Alec Baldwin and Russel Brand were hilarious as usual but left me wishing they had rehearsed more. Mary J. Blige blew me out of the water. I mean wow. And Tom Cruise! Holy Crap was he awesome! Genius...just genius. Diego Boneta was...well...cute. And he had a fantastic singing voice. That's about it. I'm not a movie star or anything but I feel like you don't want your viewers thinking "well, at least he's attractive."

I bet the play is killer. If it's still running when we (someday far far off into the future) go to NYC I hope we can get tickets. It was clearly pulled straight from broadway with little to no adaptation. There were times when I could actually see the stage set in my head.

Thoughts leaving the theater:
Mr. Catkins: "I didn't know it was a musical."
Mrs. Chatkins: "Seriously? Have we met? Of course it was a musical."
Mr. Catkins: "Dork."

Ahhh wedded bliss.

The Edge of Glory: Getting Ready

At 4 o'clock it was time to get ready. I was so ready to put my make-up on. I hate being around other people plain-faced.

Me, MOH P, and BM J applying our make-up

Naturally they finished way before me so while I was taking my sweet time covering my stress break-outs, they got dressed and had a little dance contest. It was also during this time that the rain outside turned into a full on storm. There was a bolt of thunder so loud that I almost jammed my mascara wand right into my eyeball. Obviously that was not an omen from God...just a congratulatory hammer clash from Thor...right?

I'd hammer that...

Drrrroooollllllllllllll....oh yeah. Where were we? Oh right, make up.

Once my face was on and worthy of facing all of my loved ones (and then some), it was time to get that god-awful shower cap off of my head and prep my 'do.

Ever feel like a monkey?

Can I get this kind of service every morning please?

Who is that fine lady?

Oh, it's just my reflection...silly me!

Ok so we have face and hair...now we need the dress! My sweet Vera was "hanging out" waiting for me on a bathroom stall door. Pretty classy...

Oh Vera...

BM J intrigued, BM M holding my hair like a true friend, and Me scared shitless of my wedding dress

A disappearing act

Holy Crap...I'm in my wedding dress

Step-Momma Chatkins zipped me up:

While the girls fluffed out my skirt:

All that was left was accessories:
Remember when I woke up in a panic because my jewelry and sash was left in Austin? Well, the jewelry problem was solved by a trip to Walmart, but the sash? You see, the dress came with a sash. But when I tried on the dress I didn't like it. I wanted a long pretty satin one for an extra fee. Well the long pretty one was left in Austin. Sorry Dad. I owe you $25. But I found the one that came with the dress in my back seat. Thank God for my procrastination. I meant to take that damn thing in the house a hundred times, but never did. It's funny how my own flaws work in my favor some times.

MOH P helping me with my wally-world necklace

Yep, it'll work.

Putting in earrings...

And eventually I have to use my thinking face. Yep. That's legit.

Ok, weirdo...put your shoes on.

Pretty flower!

Shoes are hard

Money shot!

Up next...Mr. Catkins blows me away with his wedding gift.

Inaugural YouTube Tuesday

Earlier today, my friend "Chuck" from work and I were watching some YouTube videos (while on break of course!) and I had a fantastic idea!

Why not start a blog series showcasing a great YouTube video every Tuesday.

This week I bring you one of my favorite new bands Walk The Moon and their song "Anna Sun." This song has been all over the radio the last couple of weeks so I'm sure you've heard it at least once. I really listened to the words today and I couldn't believe how much the chorus described a situation in my life right now.

Those of you who are pretty close to me know that Mr. Catkins and I are in the throws of purchasing a home right now. We've decided to buy an older home close to his family in rural Texas. It is a beautiful home set in a very pretty area of our state. But because it was built almost 50 years ago, it is going to require some serious renovation. It's the kind of house that would make Bob Vila's pants get tight...if ya know what I'm sayin' :)

The chorus of the song goes like this:
"Oh Anna Suuuun! Oh Anna Suuuuunnn! What do ya know? This house is falling apart. What can I say? This house is falling apart. We got no money but we've got ha, ha, heaaarrt. We're gonna rattle this ghost town. This house is falling apart." ***

Our house is not quite falling apart but it needs a lot of work. But that also means we can make it our own. The "we got no money" part is mostly true on my end. I have got to get my spending under control if I am ever going to be comfortable in this life. I have an awesome job and it is a shame that I am not in better control of my finances. But I know I will get there because "we've got ha, ha, heaaaarrt." My better half is amazing when it comes to helping me achieve personal goals...like learning to not blow my entire paycheck at Ikea. And, by George, we ARE going to rattle that ghost town. I just know that we will be leaders in our community some how some way.

Hopefully, our house won't be "fa-fa-falling apart" soon enough. We have big plans for it and we can't wait to make it our own. Don't worry, I'll keep you abreast of all the changes we plan to make. I know that eye-roll you just gave me was one of pure excitement.

***Disclaimer: I usually don't actually know what the words are to songs so this is my best guess. I am the girl who thought Guns N Roses' "Paradise City" was "The Very Last City" well into college. I also thought Whitesnake was like "a twister" born to walk alone...rather than a drifter which actually makes sense. Not to mention AC/DC's "Dirty Deeds are Done Dirt Cheap" will always be "Dirty Deads THUNDER CHIEF!" to me. Oy! I swear, if I didn't know myself better, I would think I'm a total weirdo.

Birthday Schmirthday (NWR)

Alternatively Titled: How I still suck at life after 26 years

***Excuse me for taking a moment from regaling the tales of the wedding of the century (ok that might be an exaggeration...the wedding of the decade is probably more fitting)

No I'm not going to bum you out with a post about how my life sucks-waaa waa-boo hoo. I just think the events of this special day have been unreasonably sucky and would make one helluva comedy starring Elizabeth Banks. The only way to fully explain this is in time format.

The Evening Before ~

9:46 pm: Text from hubby letting me know he's working all weekend and I won't be seeing him until next weekend. Wonderful. This transition period really puts the "blah" in "Wedded Bliss."

10:30pm: Try not to give the husband a massive guilt trip all the while explaining that two weeks apart totally sucks. Go to sleep crying...I have no idea why I was so upset. Maybe because I rely on him to make me feel like my life isn't a total crap-shoot (a feeling that has been ever-present while this birthday approached. Getting older sucks big ones.) Maybe because birthdays can make someone feel even more alone in life than usual.

The Morning of~

6:00 am: Alarm goes off. Hit snooze.

6:09 am: Alarm goes off. Reset alarm for 6:39.

7:18 am: Wake up to sound of garbage truck. Wait? What happened to 6:39? Oh, I set that shiz for pm. B-E-A-UTIFUL. I need to leave the house in exactly 7 minutes.

7:20 am: Brush my teeth and put contacts in at same time. Get toothpaste in my eye.

7:25 am: iPhone alerts me that it is time to leave the house. Scream from the top of my lungs, "I know asshole! Where were you an hour ago?!"

7:30 am: Pack make-up in awesome new diaper bag monster sized purse and head out the door.

7:31 am: Realize the dogs haven't been let out. Go back inside and let the dogs out. Get sweet "happy birthday" slobber kisses on freshly cleaned pants.

7:33 am: Head to work. Only get cut-off 3 times. That's actually pretty good. Gotye would be impressed.


source

7:57 am: Park the car and walk to the front door at work. Next door a sign is being installed for the incoming Great Clips. Get hit on by the sign guy who I'm pretty sure is Bam Margera's uncle Don Vito. Well at least with un-straightened shit hair and no make-up, someone wants to hit this.

8:00 am: Clock-in and commence saying Thank you to everyone and their dog on Facebook.
          *Side note: There is no way Hollywood could ever remake Sixteen Candles now thanks to Facebook. Instead of Molly Ringwald's family forgetting her birthday, she would spend the whole movie thanking her pals from kindergarten for posting on her timeline...but just waiting for Jake Ryan's super cool-super smooth comment. Is it weird that the thought of Jake Ryan still makes me weak in the knees? Probably.
 

Every girl's birthday dream

8:15 - 8:30 am: Apply make-up at work like a girl in the Jr. High bathroom.

 8:30 - 9:30 am: Actually do work.

9:30 am: Get a very awkward text from someone who walked out of my life months ago. Decide I need Starbucks in my life right this second.

9:35 am: Walk to the Target next door...in heels. BTW I'm a total n0ob at walking in heels. Oh God, the blisters have started already.

9:40 am: Manage to not fall down. Success! Oh, they're out of the fruit bowl I so enjoy. Grab a bowl full of mainly strawberries and blueberries. The one skanky looking mango slice makes it a Tropical Fruit Blend. Hmm...

9:45 am: Go to the in-Target Starbucks where they practically know my blood-type I'm here so much. Order a grande zebra frapp (with free extra syrup! huzzah!) Clamber back to work avoiding eye contact with the aforementioned Don Vito impersonator.

9:50 am: Open fruit bowl at desk. Skanky looking mango slice is indeed skanky. It's pretty much a slice of yellow rubber. The strawberries are mushed but hey, i found a kiwi slice that doesn't suck at all!

10:00 am: Push lame-excuse-for-fruit aside and resume Facebook thanking.

10:05 am - 12pm: Actually do work. Text husband. Successfully cheer up.

12:05 pm: DrawSomething (this has taken over my life)

12:15 pm: Check the Chive app for amusement. Succeed.

12:20 pm: Clock out for lunch and head to Subway for the Wednesday sub-of-the-day (Turkey Breast - my fave)

12:30 pm: Freak. The. Eff. Out. in the Subway parking lot. There are like 4 parking spots at this particular Subway and being that it is the lunch rush, all humanity has broken down into chaos. There were two cars already "vulture-ing" people walking out of the restaurant with their blinkers in full force. It was like college revisited. (If you don't get that reference, you clearly did not go to Tarleton)

12:40 pm: Attempt to drive across the street without a major accident. Wind up in the Taco Bell drive-thru lane. What the hell, I'll just go with it.

12:45 pm: God shines a ray of light on me and plays Mumford and Sons and Foo Fighters in succession on the radio. No, God does not work at 101X but I have to assume He put those in the play-list for me. Ya know, so I didn't go all "Allsups" on Taco Bell. Divine intervention is a many splendid thing.

12:50 pm: Shove not one, not two, but three taco supremes in my gullet like I'm in some sort of Cinco de Mayo eating competition from Hell.

12:55 pm: Drop sour cream on my favorite work shirt. Were you really surprised by this? Well you shouldn't be.

1:00 pm: Make it back to work in one piece thank the good Lord.

1:05 - 4:00pm: Actually do work...while watching my latest obsession, "The Tudors," on Netflix.


Jonathan Rhys Meyers makes me lose my head too, ladies

 4:00 - 4:30 pm: Blog about shit day.

I'm done whining now, friends. I have a six pack of woodchuck sitting in my fridge waiting on me. Hopefully, the traffic gods will smile down on me and I will see my dear woodchucks in due time.

Have a fantastic evening!

~ Mrs. Chatkins