Thoughts for Thursday: Things I Miss About Austin

In two weeks the hubs and I will be making a brief return to the ATX. We couldn't be more excited. It seems like everyday we have just one more place we want to see while we are there.

It's amazing how much you might never realize how lucky you are to live in such a great place, until you actively choose to live somewhere else. Don't get me wrong. We love our little house in the country. The silence is fabulous and I can't tell you how nice it is to live without neighbors cramping our style. Sassy can go on an all night barking rampage and the only people she's going to bother are us. That's beyond refreshing. There are some key things about life in the city that we sure do miss, though.

1. Rudy's BBQ - OMG what I would do for a 1/4 lb. of extra moist brisket right now......mmmmm...and some creamed corn. Sweet Baby Jesus that creamed corn could bring peace to the Middle East. Why haven't we tried that? Your move, government. But fo' realz, you just can't get good barbecue in this part of the state. Don't even try to suggest Hard 8. It's overpriced crap with a bunch of country decorations on the wall to trick you. Don't be fooled.

2. The Alamo Drafthouse Cinema - You might be wondering why I'm not posting movie reviews every Monday like the good ol' days. Well, it's because going to the movie theater kind of sucks now. Even if the theater nearest to us is playing the movie we want to see (which is damn near never) it still sucks. Since first moving to Austin, movies have become synonymous with fried pickle spears and an organic root beer. You know what I get at the regular movies? Popcorn and a cherry coke. How freaking lame is that? They don't even have mocha flavored milkshakes (with those little chocolate covered espresso beans on top). Get with the program people! Last weekend we went to see Lincoln (all the way in Abilene for goodness' sake) and the lady behind us started talking on her cell phone. At the drafthouse that kind of rude, ignorant, jackass behavior is punishable by banishment. Ok, that sounds extreme. But srsly, they'll kick your ass out.

And though we never actually attended a Master Pancake showing, we always talked about going and now I'm sad we never did. You'll always have a place in my heart Drafthouse. The place that loves nothing more than standing in line for an hour to sit in a room smelling vaguely of pee and being waited on by hipsters. Jesus, I miss this place.

3. Our Church - Are you surprised? I would be too if I knew me. We attended St. Mary's Cathedral in downtown Austin in an all too non-frequent manner. There for a while, we were really good about going to Sunday night Mass but when the wedding started quickly approaching, our attendance dropped some. In the middle of this uber hectic downtown, there rests a Cathedral almost as old as Austin herself. Outside are tall buildings, pigeons galore, and traffic that could put a person in convulsions. But inside, oh man inside, there is a peace that I've never experienced anywhere else. In fact, in the few times that we would make it early it was everything I had in me to keep me awake. I'm not sure if it's the incense or the dimmed lights or even the soothing voice of the Priests, this church was the very meaning of peace and security for me. There aren't even minutes in my day-to-day life that I'm not anxious about. In fact, at this very minute I'm anxious that you are hating me with every word I type because you love Hard 8 and everything about it. (If that's the case, I'm can learn to live with not being friends anymore. Clearly we have nothing in common.) Or maybe you're Protestant or Agnostic even and have been conditioned to believe us Catholics are just awful. I'm sure that's at least partly right, because, well most people are awful but that's true for all religions. Don't hate. I would never cast judgement on you for your beliefs. Walking in the heavy wooden doors of this outstanding landmark melts all of my anxieties away. Well, all but one. Can I just say how much I don't enjoy the "Peace be with you segment" of our beloved Mass? I have no qualms with wishing peace and happiness upon those sitting near me. No, not at all. But in this day of rapid spreading influenza, do we really have to shake hands? I don't know where you've been. I don't know when you've last washed your hands. That's quite a selfish attitude, I know.

personal picture taken by moi

4. Target - I have had a long love affair with Target. My workplace in Austin was withing walking distance to Target. I made that journey Every. Single. Day. Rain, snow or shine, I was there. Granted this was terrible for my pocket book, but good for my soul. I became quick friends with the cashiers and baristas. What's up Jasper and Rosa?! Miss you guys! Since moving to the boonies, the nearest store is 45 minutes away. The withdrawals are terrible. I often find myself browsing their website then quickly reminding myself that I have no money. I just need to be there. To smell the mixture of popcorn and Starbucks. To peruse the dollar section. To buy a chocolate milk and string cheese for second breakfast because I'm half hobbit.

5. Friends - no not the TV show. Actual friends. Part of moving back to the Stephenville area was supposed to be reuniting with my girlfriends...whom I've seen exactly twice in four months. That's not ok, but part of that blame falls on my lap for not being available on weekday nights. In Austin, my co-workers were my family. Of course there were those few family members that I wanted nothing more than to choke out (joking!) but for the most part I really truly loved every person there. It hurts my heart to not see these people day to day. There are things I thought I would never miss that I find myself pining for now. Like that one guy's crazy laugh, or diet tips that were really unwarranted, or finding your manager rocking in fetal position behind the store. I miss you guys. A lot. Be warned, there is a good chance I will tear up when I see you in two weeks. Mer, it's probably a good thing you'll be out of town because I could hug you to pieces. Literal pieces. Then I would pack you up and take you to work with me every day and prop you up in my office because work totally sucks without you.

Movie Review Whatevertheheckdaythisis: The TIme Traveler's Wife

After weeks and weeks of waiting for The Time Traveler's Wife to arrive in my mailbox sporting a certain red envelope, it's here.

After a very successful trip to the podiatrist (that's a story for another time) I decided to use the rest of my afternoon to just chill with this chick flick.

The short story of Time Traveler's Wife (free in iBooks) is an absolute fave of mine. Great read...great great read. There is an expanded novel version published in 2003 that has fantastic reviews but I have not read it...yet. Give me time. So as you can imagine, I was stoked to find a movie of the same title starring Eric Bana and Rachel McAdams.

Guess what....if I could time travel, I would go back to two hours ago and just put this piece of crap back in the mail.

Barf - o - rama

No amount of naked Eric Bana could make this a movie worth watching. It's corny, unbelievable, and just damn annoying. I can see where it would have rocked as a book, but the transition to screen freaking blows.

I expected more from exec producer Brad Pitt. I'm not sure why, but I did.

YouTube Tuesday: Have a yabba dabba do time

Oh my gosh guys, has it really been 6 whole weeks since I've been on here?

My deepest apologies to my friends, readers, and fellow bloggers who must have noticed a distinct drop in their page views.

The thing is...I've been swamped. Like so busy I don't have time to finish projects I started weeks ago. So busy I forget to shave my legs, write out my grocery lists, or get gas until that friendly little light comes on. This time of year is both my favorite, and when I'm at my most harried. I love the joy of Thanksgiving and Christmas but haaaaate how hectic it makes life.Working in retail during the holiday season is ugly enough, I won't bore you with the details.

 Remember when we were kids and the only thing we had to remember was when to set the VCR to tape The Flintstones Christmas Special? Yeah, that was nice. I miss that.

So here. Go. Watch. Forget about the wrapping paper, that damn elf on the shelf (srsly ladies, it's creepy), the endless lists of things to do. Gather your kids, or puppies, or kittens, or purple brontosauruses and enjoy.

Merry Christmas. Ho Ho Ho. Yabba Dabba Do.

Operation: Eat Like An Adult

Y'all...I eat like a 5 year old. Srsly. It's not even funny any more. I've decided that if I'm ever going to be healthy enough to grow a human being, I need to start eating better. Between my family history and diet habits, I am most definitely going to contract diabetes and or some form of cancer someday. Gestational diabetes is almost a certainty if I can ever talk my husband into procreating. I know that the change has to start with my diet. If I'm going to be a better, more energetic, healthier person/momma, I have to do like MJ says and start with the man (or woman) in the mirror.

You're welcome.

Now, let me apply a disclaimer and state that I am not starting any sort of diet or program. I'm not looking for a temporary weight loss solution. I'm looking for a life style change that fits my goals and will-power. For the love of gawd, I do not want to borrow your book on Paleo. K? K.

I'm not listening!

I am going to change the following:

No More Sodas!

Read my lips...no more soda, pop, cokes, or anything else that carbonated high fructose corn syrup is called. I've done this before but I'm going to make sure all of you hold me accountable to this long term. When I've cut out sodas in the past, I've instantly slimmed down. Again, my weight is not what I'm concerned about in this venture but my health. My aunt used to drink a few sodas a day and she got kidney stones. I know that if I don't cut them out, I'll be along that path. I do NOT want to experience kidney stones. Yikes.

Less Sugar!

I hate to admit this, but I freaking love sugar. I love all things sugar related. And I'm not just talking candy here, I'm talking about desserts, carbs that turn into sugar, natural sugars like fruit, and coffee syrups. OMG the coffee syrups. It's no secret that my love for Starbucks and the like knows no bound. I have a freaking gold card for goodness' sake. But I don't like my coffee, latte, or cappuccino black. No sir. I want that coffee to double as dessert. When I drink a latte, it's like I can actually hear myself getting fatter (gold star if you get that reference). So I'm going to use more splenda and cut back on the sugary syrups. Who knows, maybe one day I can drink my coffee black. I'm also giving up the little kid breakfast cereals. Bye bye Count Chocula...hello Special K!

More Veggies!

I'm really pretty good about eating my veggies. I love salads, even with spinach leaves. Granted, I freaking hate cooked spinach, but throw some raw leaves in my salad and I'm a happy camper. Bell peppers...that rings my bell. Cucumbers...not just for disgusting jokes anymore. Squash...yeah still pretty gross but I'll work on it. I've read (somewhere on the interwebs, not sure where) that veggies can lessen the risk for breast cancer...a major scare for me (and probably my husband).

Less Fried Foods

For the last 26 years "grease" has been the word. Not anymore. Case in point: my friend invited me out for Mexican today for lunch. Rather than getting grilled chicken, I chose the taco/cheese enchilada plate. Right now I have heartburn so bad I'm miserable. Why did i get that awful lunch? Why didn't I just say, Not today. Today I packed a healthy lunch so I'm going to have that instead. Idiot. Now I will hate myself until I can, maybe, quell the raging inferno in my chest with Tums when I get home...an hour and a half from now. Damn tacos! Damn all the tacos!

So for now friends, I ask for your support. Not your judgement or nit-picking. I will be healthy enough to have a baby some day. I just hope that day comes sooner than later. The older I get, the harder it's going to be

*cough cough that's what she said cough cough

 

YTT/WW: A Match Made in Disney Heaven

This week's YouTube Tuesday and Wedding Wednesday combine together to celebrate the nuptuals of my lovely Aunt Christina and her new husband Bill.

A little back story...

My mom's step-sister and brother (my aunt and uncle) are several years younger than my mom, making them not too many years older than me. So when I spent my summers with my grandparents, it was like gaining older siblings for a few months. It freaking rocked. I was close enough in age to hang out with them (because they're super nice) but young enough for them to still think I'm cute and not entirely a pain in the ass. It probably helped that I worshiped them like gods because they were teenagers and that was the highest form of cool in my world.

My aunt Christina has always had a serious thing for Disney movies. Like, she could put the Walt Disney World Guest Services people to shame. She even named her beautiful daughter, my Jr. Bridesmaid, Jasmine. I'm tossing around the idea of a "Bullseye" or "Nemo" myself. JK.

So in her and her new hubby prince's honor, here's a YouTube video of Disney (and some Fox Animation..smh) wedding scenes.

Chris, you outshone everyone of these princesses on Saturday. You were BEAUTIFUL. I'm just so sorry I couldn't be there. They really should make Texas and Michigan closer.

personal photo of the BEAUTIFUL bride via Aunt Linds

I have one more video for you today. It's not wedding related but it is Disney Princesses. If you're ever having a bad day, like for instance, you are missing out on one of your favorite-people-in-the-world's wedding, just watch this. It won't heal the hurt, but it will put a smile on your face.

You Go Glen Coco.

Movie Review Monday: Looper

Last weekend (sorry for the delay) the hubs and I made the journey into town to see Joseph Gordon Levitt's new film "Looper." Um, wow. First let me start off by saying, we are major MAJOR major JGL fans in this house. Like, the fact that my husband's first name is the name of a JGL character kind of sealed the deal for me. And Cam's had a pretty serious man-crush on him since 50/50, possibly since even before then. For me, it was "Angels in the Outfield" when I was 7. Hells yeah. So, it goes without saying that we. were. stoked. for "Looper."

Whoa.

Although "Looper" is set in the pretty near future, 2044, it isn't your average cautionary tale. The same themes were there as other "future" films...drugs, sex, and crime overload. But there wasn't a sob story moral of how we should change our lives now so the world doesn't go to Hell in a hand basket. That was slightly refreshing...but also scary as crap. According to this movie, shit's about to get real...and not in a good way.

I thought it was super long, but the film is really only 2 hours long. You're pumped with information for a long time before you really figure anything out and the whole thing feels like the climax of the movie. There's not a lot of build-up. Just OMG this is the craziest thing ever...no now this is...no wait, holy crap!

I took 5 things from this movie:

1. I will never be able to take the dad from "Raising Hope" seriously.

2. Bruce Willis was, is, and always will be a BAMF.

3. One day the whole world will be a city, just like in Star Wars.

Actually, Toto, we really are still in Kansas.

4. Little kids are terrifying.

(I can't find a picture of this on the entire Internet, but just take my word on this one.)

5. Joseph Gordon-Levitt is a thespian genius. Somebody give this kid every award available.

Srsly...what can he NOT do?

I don't care...

What your political stance is. No really. Stop it. Don't you do it. Don't you comment on this with your own garbage. This is not the place.

I DO want you to watch this video though and just try not to laugh. I dare you. I watched this on my lunch break today thanks to the ladies at hahasforhoohas.com and I didn't just lol. I simultaneously lol'ed to the point of tears whilst choking on my Jimmy Johns and trying not to alert those in my office around me. Trust me, you need this in your life. Even if you're having THE. BEST. DAY. EVER. you will have an even better day after viewing this. Go on. Enrich your lives.

It's time to party, chumps.

Movie Review....yeah I suck at timing

Are you really surprised I didn't get my movie review out yesterday on time? You shouldn't be. Despite the fact that I own no less than 4 calendars that I reference everyday, I'm still behind on like everything. So, my bad. Also, there will probably not be a YouTube Tuesday today, because I have other shiz to do after writing this. Any apologies to those of you who can't work YouTube without me (I'm lookin' at you Dude).

Anywhoodle...this week we watched Blue Valentine starring Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams.

image via imdb.com

Now, before you let the movie poster sway you, don't. This is not your typical romance, Jesus knows it's not a Rom-Com. Dear hipster girls, if you were looking for a good I've-got-PMS-and-I-need-to-cry-my-eyes-out movie but P.S. I Love You is just to mainstream, well look no further. This will tug at everyone of your body odorous heart strings.

All-in-all this was a really good film. Damn worth every award that it won when it came out in 2010 (that's 20 nods and 3 wins, including an Oscar nomination). What it does is show you a typical family living day to day life. Adorable kid and goofy dad totally pissing off a busy and no-nonsense but loving mom. You start to feel bad for everyone involved. Poor Mom can't get her family to cooperate. Poor Dad can't catch a break for having fun with his daughter. Poor kid misses her run-away dog. Then-omg-then it shows how they got there...a side we almost never see in a movie. It's always one or the other. It's either a movie about how a young beautiful star-crossed couple meets and then fin. Or it's about a dysfunctional family and how they make it work. Not this movie. Oh no. It's both except the ending is closer to real life. I won't give it away but just know that by the end of the movie I looked like somebody had just told me chocolate was outlawed. In-freaking-consolable. I cried so hard my eyes burned for like an hour. Redic.

Oh oh oh! The other thing about this film, they make Ryan Gosling look like Ryan GROSSling...excuse me while I take a moment to laugh at my hilarious self. No seriously, take the hunkiest man alive and give him a receding hairline, an insatiable smoking habit, creepy facial hair, and the fugliest glasses known to man and you have his "present" day character. Oh the magic of the movies never ceases to amaze me.

Hey girl, let me melt your insides with my ukulele.

Hey Girl, let's share a Pabst over my copy of Guns N Ammo

All the while his character doesn't lose his love-for-life charm that he had in his youth, it's sort of annoying when he's not super hot too. Take note guys: if you're going to act like you're 20, look like it too. Otherwise grow up and stop eating raisins off the table. 

Also...ladies, please see Michelle Williams' character as a cautionary tale. Yes, life sucks and marriage is hard. Especially when you rush into it (def not the case here!). Don't let all of the bad stuff suck out the good. Even if your husband used to be a hunk and now looks like hell, give him a break. He's might need some help with his drinking (and his wardrobe) but if he's a good dad and a good husband, appreciate it. Appreciate each other. Life is hard enough as it is, lean on each other through the hard times rather than push each other away. Obviously, if you absolutely can't make it work, don't let your kids suffer. They need to know how to resolve conflict but if there isn't anything but conflict then don't make them live in a home without love. Two homes with love is better than one with hate.

I give Blue Valentine an A. Art imitates life in this film, and we as viewers should learn from Dean and Cindy.

Funnie Friday

K guys, I know it isn't YouTube Tuesday, but something very important was brought to my attention. There is a YouTube video of "Teach Me How To Dougie" set to the 90's kids show brilliance that was Doug.

Watch. Laugh. Cross this off of your Bucket List.

Oh. Em. Gee.

YouTube Tuesday: So Over It.

Guys, it's official. I'm breaking up with Glee. We had a good run, but I just can't do it anymore. This afternoon, I'm deleting it off of my Hulu+ Queue for good. I'm hoping we can remain friends, or at least casual acquaintances, but the romance is dead.

Let me take you back...way back...way way way back to when yours truly was in high school. You see, as a member of choir, drama club, and pep squad I was a veritable tri-fecta of Loser. I was everything that teen sitcoms of the early 2000s made fun of. Being friends with half of the marching band and being in every honors class possible didn't help either. So when Glee premiered years later, I couldn't even watch it because it rang so close to home. It wasn't until the end of season 1 that I flipped over to Fox, because of a particularly gruesome scene on Grey's Anatomy, and saw the embodiment of my every dream-Idina Menzel-singing my favorite Les Mis song with Rachel.

And with that, I was hooked. I quickly transitioned to a full on Gleek before the season finale. I devoted my Summer Thursday nights to catching up on the story lines through re-runs. I downloaded album after album from iTunes. I fell hard and fast for Finn, Puck, and Jesse. By the time season 2 premiered with Empire State of Mind, I dropped Grey's like a bad habit and rose my Freak Flag even higher.

All through seasons 2 and 3, Glee and I were tighter than ever. I welcomed new characters like Sam and Coach Beiste. Together we sang, we laughed, we even cried at times. I even got my husband to watch it with me by agreeing to play the Glee Drinking Game. The season 3 finale, oh my goodness. I cried for twenty minutes even after it was over. Watching the gang put Rachel on that bus and seeing her arrive in Times Square, good lord, it was the thing drama nerds' dreams are made of.

But...

But...

But...Season 4? No. The new class? No.

Marley is NOT the new Rachel. Kitty is NOT the new Quinn. Unique is NOT the new Mercedes. And though he may be a Puckerman (in the weakest, easiest, lamest storyline ever) Jake is NOT the new Puck. And for the love of Pete, Kate Hudson will NEVER EVER EVER be the new Sue. Gag me with a spoon.

Glee producers, I know you are making BANK off of this show and are doing everything you can to keep the money train rolling. But let's face it, you really should have quit while you were ahead. This show used to be creative and fun, now it just blows. It's embarrassing how bad this season is and there's only been 2 episodes.

So let me know when there's a Jonathan Groff cameo, until then I'm out.

Youtube Tuesday: Two Things

I know. I'm late on my blog post...again. Sorry pals. I cannot even begin to explain to you how crazy work has been this week. Mostly because I've vowed to not blog about work. So you'll just have to accept my word that this week has been bananas.

Ok...I guess maybe we should scratch that title and call it Three Things since I kind of intro'ed with a video.

So first, um second, thing: Today I am a big cousin for the 8th time over! Flower Girl Gabizilla becomes Big Sister Gabzilla today...un-freaking-believable. Where does the time go?!?! It seems like it was just yesterday I got a very excited phone call from my Aunt K announcing Gab's arrival. That was almost 5 years ago though, and now it's time for her to play big sis to a sweet baby girl that we all can't wait to meet. So for today's first, dammit SECOND, video, I want to share a video full of the best thing in the world...BABY LAUGHS!!!! Who doesn't find baby laughs infectious? Voldemort probably. But that has to be it. Unless you don't have a soul...in that case, get off my blog! One day I hope to install my own tiny human laughing thing...a baby. One day! NOT TODAY. Get off of my case Grandpa! JK (sort of) ;)

For our final video today, I want to provide a public service. Should you ever find yourself as a proud owner of a mandolin slicer, USE THE FREAKING HAND GUARD. It will suck at holding your vegetables (or fruit, or potatoes, or anything else you plan on slicing), but it is absolutely vital that you protect your fingers. I know from experience. On Sunday afternoon, I sliced off a pretty sizable chuck of my thumb. I haven't lost that much blood since my last minor surgery. It still hurts like a b-word. It might help if I stop accidentally banging it into things. I would also like to stop wearing a crazy big band-aid but the stupid thing won't scab over. The rest of my thumb itches....gah! Ok. Enough about my appendages, or lack thereof. Here is how to properly use a mandolin:

And for the record, my days with the mandolin are over. Hubby says I can't even play the mandolin guitar. Looks like his days of slicing vegetables are about to be bountiful. Keep in mind this is the man who almost cut his whole finger off on a pickle jar. Maybe we should institute a no sharp objects rule in our house. Maybe. Definitely.

Movie Review Monday: The Campaign

Good grief, not THAT campaign. Are y'all as over it as I am? Can it be the second Wednesday in November now?

I'm talking about THIS campaign....

Yeah, I know. "The Campaign" came out over a month ago. It is a rare moment when my husband and I can go watch a movie together.  But we made it happen last weekend. Sure I should have posted this review the following Monday but work has been fifty shades of cray. Between usual mayhem there was a certain announcement made last week to kick things into overdrive.

The movie was all around pretty good. I wouldn't say it was fantastic. It was hilarious as to be expected but that's the thing...it was all pretty expected. We've all experienced the genius that is Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis has made his way into this gal's heart. By now, we've seen these characters. The dim-witted a-hole is Ferrell's bread and butter. Galifianakis is a borderline-mentally-challenged middle aged child at heart with well meaning intentions. In fact, I'm pretty sure Galifianakis just recycled his character "Seth Galifianakis" from his stand up. Zach plays his twin brother Seth who is remarkably similar to "Campaign" character Marty Huggins.

Gut-busting hilarious, no doubt, but totally seen before.

I recommend that you wait until this movie is out on Blu-Ray and share it with your ADULT friends over a bottle of wine and a big bowl of popcorn. This movie is def not kiddo-friendly. There are lots of (again, totally expected) raunchy jokes taken to the limit.

The real humor for me is seen best in the campaign managers played by Jason Sudeikis and Dylan McDurmott. These two really made the movie worth watching. McDurmott, who usually plays serious roles like his long run role on The Practice, was surprisingly awesome. His stealth-like campaign tactics were dead-on to what I can only imagine what goes on behind the scenes on real campaigns. Sudeikis' character seemed to be the only person in that town with any sense about him. Gotta love the humor that comes from someone who doesn't have to be wacky for the laughs.

Sudeikis and McDurmott in center being funny, and let's face it, totally sexy.

My rating: B+

One Year Ago Today

One year ago today, is a day that I will never forget.
One year ago today, you said "Goodbye."
One year ago today, you announced that you would not be at my wedding.
One year ago today, you walked out of that church rec room and out of my life.
One year ago today, you told me that you needed a pet more than your daughter.
One year ago today, you told me I was a bad daughter for not financially supporting you.
One year ago today, you told me I was a bad mom to my dogs.
One year ago today, you told me I was a bad person all around.
One year ago today, you told me my husband and any future children do not matter as much as you.
One year ago today, you disgraced a group of women that have always supported you despite your displays of mild hatred.
One year ago today, your mother told me that once you were gone I would have no family left. She was false in that statement.
One year ago today, you did me a huge favor.

BECAUSE

One year ago today, I found my resolve.
One year ago today, I became my own woman.
One year ago today, I grew up.
One year ago today, my soul awoke from a shame enduced slumber.
One year ago today, a 44 year old weight was lifted off of my shoulders.
One year ago today, I felt all of the guilt and shame and sadness for being alive slide out of my heart.
One year ago today, I found pride in myself.
One year ago today, I gained control of my own life.
One year ago today, I found a closeness with God that I didn't know was there before.
One year ago today, I saw the true meaning of family.
One year ago today, I got the best damned pedicure of my life.
One year ago today, I learned how to be happy.
One year ago today, I felt the embrace of someone that loves me for who I am, not what I can do for them.
One year ago today, I became truly thankful.

THANK YOU

Thank you for teaching me that I can always rely on myself to get things done.
Thank you for teaching me why it isn't ok to break down in a moment of crisis.
Thank you for teaching me that happiness comes from myself, not those around me.
Thank you for instilling in me a constant need to impress.
Thank you for showing me that I can get a lot more done behind the scenes.
Thank you for teaching me that it really is necessary to grow up and be my own woman.
Thank you for teaching me that it is important to know how to get along with those across the nation.
Thank you for letting me see rock bottom time and time again.
Thank you for teaching me what is appropriate and inappropriate for my children to witness.
Thank you for instilling in me an appreciation for my dad that knows no bounds.

NO REALLY, THANK YOU

In all seriousness, thank you for teaching me that endless reruns of "I Love Lucy" can cure any childhood sickness.
In all seriousness, thank you for making education my first priority in life.
In all seriousness, thank you for trying as hard as you did. I know it must have been hard to look past the center of the universe to make sure I stayed alive.
In all seriousness, thank you for letting me spend summers with my grandparents. They did more for me in 6 weeks away than 3 months at home by myself could have ever done.
In all seriousness, thank you for getting me out of a bad situation, the first time.
In all seriousness, thank you for letting me dance to the beat of my own drum.
In all seriousness, thank you for being there those last two years of high school.

Thoughts For Thursday: Round 2

Yes, I know that title says Thursday. Yes, I know it's Friday. Yes, I am freaking elated that it's not actually Thursday; however, I did not get to write the second part to yesterday's "Thoughts" post due to an unusually busy afternoon.

When I was a Junior in high school, I had an a-mah-zing AP English teacher who taught me more about life, character, and creativity than grammar (she did in fact teach me quite a bit about grammar writing that I still use today.) I will always hold a place in my heart for Mrs. Mixon. Once a week Mrs. Mixon would have us pull out a notebook (back in my day we used the paper kind) and just write. Write stream of thought. She just wanted us to put every thought that we had down on paper. Sometimes she would read them, sometimes she wouldn't. If I were her, I wouldn't want to read the every fleeting thought of a bunch of 16-year-olds, especially the boys.Yuck.

A lot of these stream of thought entries helped me realize some quirks about myself. It helped me realize what set me apart from my friends, what my family really meant to me, and why it getting dumped for the first time probably wasn't the end of the world. It also helped me realize I need to work on organizing my thoughts before attempting college at an Ivy League school. The Ivy League thing never happened...and let's be honest, neither did organizing my thoughts. I have a hard time staying focused on one thing at a time. Saturday, while trying to take care of a few household chores, I found myself unpacking a box, doing dishes, and a starting a load of laundry simultaneously. You might say that's multi-tasking, but throw in Mystic Pizza on Netflix, and an hour later, I've only started these things. I haven't finished a single one because I forgot what I was doing while I was doing it. Squirrel! (You're welcome fellow Disney fans).

You can't not love this movie. It's impossible.

I thought I would try writing in stream of thought today, just to see what's changed in my mind over the past 10 (ZOMG TEN!!!! AHHH!!!) years. So here is fair warning, there will be little to no pictures. This will be random and long. Here's your chance to back out now.

READY, SET, GO!

I like coke. The cola, not the drug. Even though the cola used to have the drug as a main ingredient. I know it's poison. I know it will give me diabetes. I know my health is permanently depleted due to my love of coke. But it tastes good and I like it. I don't like the way it leaves my mouth covered in a syrup-like film. I don't like the judgement that I feel from every person on the damn planet because I like coke. Water gives me acid-reflux sometimes. Granted that's usually because I'm eating something deplorable and you just can't mix healthy with terrible, but that is usually why I chose a coke or similar cola to go with my meal.

Chill.

I also like milk. Like, a lot. I know, it's gross. It's not natural. Humans are the only mammal that chooses to drink the milk from another mammal. But I don't want to drink breast milk, natural or otherwise. Some lady's boob juice just isn't what I want with my cheerios in the morning. Mmmm cheerios. Again, I know that milk will be the ultimate cause of my demise. I know it's fattening, I know it's sugary, I know it causes acne, and obesity, and cancer, and probably nuclear war. I hate when people say nuke-u-lar. Why would you knowingly chose to sound ignorant? I guess maybe the same reason I chose to drink milk, the devil's (boob) nectar. But I like skim milk. No fat. Just yums. And, it's pasteurized for goodness' sake. It's not like I crawl under a cow every morning to get my fix.



This kid would though.

 Someone is using the vending machine. I wish it was me. No monies + an affinity for snacks = sad chubby girl. Oh wait! Some one's going on a donut run! Must. Not. Eat. Them. All. I probably shouldn't have any. I'll probably keel over after just one bite. Stupid hipsters and their healthy eating propaganda. Why can't I just enjoy life. I know to keep everything in moderation. I had a cup of white rice for dinner last night. That's pretty good right? I know babe, it should have been brown rice. Brown rice is obviously the holier-than-thou choice for rice. Unless you're paleo. Then all grains are Satan. There's no winning. No matter if I went on an all tree-bark diet, someone somewhere would judge me for making poor food choices. I'm saying screw it. As long as my family is fed and doesn't have an unhealthy reliance on fast food, then screw the rest of the world. Forget your smack talk, hipsters. I don't care if you think I should live solely off of quinoa and organic carrots. I'm sure in a week you'll come up with some reason why carrots are evil too.

I wish our air conditioner would fix itself. I think I almost died in my sleep last night from the heat. How in the hell did people live in this state before air conditioners? They must have been out of their minds. At least when it's cold you can build a fire. But you can't make it cold without electricity. Thanks to my husband for saving my life though. Out of nowhere, he busted in like Captain America with a window unit AC that wasn't really doing anything for the living room. I thought it wasn't doing a lot because it looked like it was from 1832 (joking of course) but once he installed it in the bedroom, that thing was a rock star. I actually had to get under the quilt. The jump from 95 degrees (my estimate) to a cool 73 degrees (again, my estimate) gave me a slight headache when I woke up though. Headaches + finally being comfy in bed = not an easy wake up. Starbucks was definitely in my future.



Mmmm Salted Caramel Mocha...which looks like Spotted Camel Mocha when written in chalk

 The cashier at the Camp Bowie starbucks is really nice. I want to hug her. She butchers my name but I'll be damned if she isn't the sweetest person I've ever met that early in the morning.

I have to go to the bank now. Lame.

See ya around.

Thoughts for Thursday Round 1

I promise I'm not starting another weekly post series. I think we've all realized how bad I am at holding myself accountable to that.

I can't make any promises that Movie Review Monday will be consistent because we live so effing far away from a movie theater worth our hard earned money BUT Wedding Recap Wednesday will live on...as soon as we get the desktop set up and find that effing wedding photo cd among the mass of unpacked boxes.

I know what you're thinking...dude, why in the hell aren't you unpacked yet? Haven't you lived in this gee dee house for like over a month. Yes. Yes we have. We have a bit of a spider infestation on the screened in porch where the boxes are stored though. And I don't mean those little tiny cardboard spiders that you don't even see until you adjust your focus just right and there it is hanging in front of your face. No, these are not Magic Eye Poster spiders (Yes, I made up the name of that particular brand of arachnids. Your move Science.) These are the biggest spiders I have ever laid eyes on apart from tarantulas. Or that thing in Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets. But I definitely act like Ron Weasley the first time he met Aragog the Acromantula.


Yikes.



Srsly.

I know that it is completely ridiculous to be terrified of spiders. If one more person asks me if I knew that I was bigger than a spider I'm going to smack them right across the face. This is Texas people. My old boss lost a chunk of his butt when a brown recluse bit him...on his butt. I need all chunks of my body to remain on my body, thank you. Unless you know a spider that performs liposuction.

 I've had more run-ins with black widows than I care for. And not the sweet pig loving Charlotte's Web kind. The I'll kill your ass if you come near me kind. So that is why I have not made a bigger effort to unpack and find the wedding cd. Because I am scared shitless nervous to be in my own house. I have to talk myself into sleeping at night without imagining a thousand spiders in my bed.

fabulous portrait created by yours truly

So in short, that is why there hasn't been a Wedding Recap Wednesday in forever. Please console each other in this trying time. I know how much you love to hear me ramble on and on about my wedding and show you pictures that you've already seen on facebook. It's like I'm in your head, I know.

YouTube Tuesday: Home

As many of you know I grew up as a military brat so we were never really in the same place for very long. Granted I spent the majority of my childhood living in Abilene, TX we still bounced around from house to house every couple of years as my dad's responsibilities in the Air Force grew. So while a lot of my friends have that one home (that their parents usually still live in) that they call home, there isn't really one house that stands out among the many that we lived in when I was a kid. Que the sad violin music now...jk.

Bad Luck Brian knows what's up at DAFB

There was one constant when I was growing up though, my grandparents' home in Swartz Creek, MI. I spent every summer there for most of my formative years. The great thing about summering in Michigan is that I got to miss out on a big chunk of the Texas summer when it's known to get as hot as 116 degrees outside. Not too much fun when you're a kid and you're bursting to go outside to play. My grandparents' home offered plenty of lush grass to roll around in (an oddity to a West Texas girl), fireflies to catch at night, and sleeping with the windows open. Now of course there was a summer or two when it would get into the 90s and the humidity would make life without central AC down right sticky. After a couple of days of the heat, a nice refreshing rain would come along and we would be back into the comfortable low 80s. My aunts and uncles would interrogate me as to how I could possibly wear jeans when it's 80 degrees outside. I would say something along the lines of "um, duuuh! This is winter weather where I live! Like oh my gosh!" I was a tween in the 90s. Sorry.

There would be "camping" trips to my great grandparents' lake house where my cousin Brandon and I would roast marshmallows until we got tummy aches. My grandpa would try to take me fishing, but I would put one foot inside the shaky canoe and freak out. I would then convince my grandma to go paddle boating with me and talk about big grown up topics (menses).

The Lake

Yesterday my aunt, who is more like a barely older-sister-in-law to me, Lindsay posted a picture of her little one, the sweet flower girl you met here and here and will meet again once I unpack the CD of wedding pictures, paddle boating with our great grandma at the lake house. Man oh man did that tug at this girl's over nostalgic heart strings. I would give anything to go back to the summer of '98 just for a few moments to savor being in that place. Being with family. Being outdoors. Being home. Being in love with JTT.

that's some pre-teen hunkiness right thur

I guess the moral of this little trip down memory lane is that home doesn't have to be a house or even a town that a person grew up in. Home can be a place in your heart where you are happy and know you are loved. Home can be a memory. Home can even be just the company of loved ones.

YouTube Tuesday: Thank You

We hit 1,000 page views today!

Wa-hooooo!!!!

When I started this little blog back in January, I had no idea that it would become such a big part of my life. If any of you are searching for a way to express your thoughts or ambitions or just share a happy moment with your friends (or the entire online world) I highly encourage you to start a blog. Sometimes there isn't a friendly ear around to hear your rant. Sometimes you want to say something that isn't short or appropriate enough for Facebook. Sometimes you want to just let your writing talents grow and thrive and there isn't always an appropriate way to let your thoughts out. Starting a blog is a fantastic way to express everything you've go going on inside. Let me clarify, that I firmly believe that blogs should NEVER be used as a way to publicly humiliate someone. Cyber-bullying is a real problem and to use your words as weapons is never okay. Think before you type. Remember who could be affected by your words. With that said, I have to say starting a blog is one of the best decisions I've ever made just for the sake of my own sanity. It's easy for thoughts to get all jumbled up inside your head. What a fantastic way to help organize your thoughts all the while exercising your funny bone.

What an amazing journey these 9 months have been! I'm still in the beginning of my blogging life and while I'm still a very small fish in a very big blog-o-sphere pond, I am forever thankful for my 10 awesome followers. Without you guys, I might not have kept this thing up after the move. Your kind words are more appreciated than you know. And for that, today I want to say Thank You. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Thank you for never judging me and letting me tell my story, in my words. Thank you for being a friend.

Rest in peace Andrew Gold.

Movie Review Monday: Drive

There isn't much I can say about "Drive." I thought it looked pretty bad when the previews came out so long ago but with a star-studded cast, I felt that it must be at least okay. Yeah, no. It is terrible. Truly an awful film.

Source

I will say this: the special effects were amazing and the acting was very well done.

This makes it at leaset worth watching...on silent.

The violence was very realistic and I bet the car chase scenes would be downright fantastic in IMAX. But why with all of the gruesome effects? The violence was unrealistic and unnecessary to the story. And don't get me wrong, I'm not some bleeding heart sap that can't take some gore. Puh-lease. I like action movies even more than my husband. I'm a hockey fan for goodness' sake. I'm not afraid of a little blood. But seeing Ryan Gosling crush some guy's skull in with his foot? Dear God. That was not something that I needed to have in my head. And when a very beloved (by me) actress literally gets her head blown off? Isn't that a little excessive? I think so, but what do I know?

Can we go back to when he was Noah Calhoun and all was right with the world?

Maybe that was part of the problem, maybe my past love affairs with some of these actors and their on-screen counterparts made me a little biased toward their roles in Drive. Maybe if I didn't know Brian Cranston as Walter White, or even as the dad from Malcolm In The Middle, I wouldn't have held such a grudge against his role in Drive. Cranston and all of the cast members of Drive did a fantastic job portraying their characters. They are all world class actors, that's for sure. But even when the cast is perfect, the acting cannot make up for the crapfest of a plot.

Chatkins Diet Rating: D+

Addiction is ugly

Hi my name is Mrs. Chatkins and I'm addicted to caffeine. (you don't have to say hi back, it's ok, I promise)

For the last 3 years or so, I've established a horrible addiction to caffeine. Not just coffee but red bull and monster and rock star...oh my.

I used to start my day off with a hot black tea. Not bad right? Well by noon my eyelids would be drooping and off to Target I would go for a pick-me-up. As long as I didn't have any caffeine after 3 pm my sleep habits didn't suffer. All was well (except presumably my health but whatevs).

These days, life is a little different. You see, we live in the boonies. I mean middle of freaking nowhere. BFE. Nowheresville. The smallest town you've ever been to is a major metropolitan city compared to the area around our house. Being that we live like the freaking Ingalls family (if you don't get LHOTP references, we can no longer be friends) there isn't much in the way of gain full employment. So I haul my little pioneer ass to the big city every morning, a whopping sixty minutes away. In order to get to work on time at 7:30 am, I have to wake up no later than 5:30 am. No matter how early I go to bed 5:30 is just not a time when I can function. If you want to see a good zombie impression, you should see me when I wake up. Except instead of searching for brains, I'm searching for caffeine and news. The news really is the only thing shocking enough these days to jolt my brain out of sleep-mode.

source

Last night, after taking a nap at 6 pm (what?! I'm exhausted from being up and at em at the crack of dawn!) I came up with the most brilliant plan. Like, you should get out your Blue's Clues handy dandy note book and write this down. It's ok....I'll wait.

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Ready?

source

Okay! So I remembered a year or so ago, my dear friend and book club fellow Laura gave me the best method for making iced coffee (a must when it is a hundred and hell degrees outside): brew a big pot of extra strong coffee and pour it into a pitcher that has a lid. Place said pitcher in the refrigerator over night and in the morning...voila! She also recommended using agave nectar for syrup but I just go straight for the creamer that will inevitably give me cancer and/or diabetes in the near future.

So I'm brewing my coffee and I remembered something that I repinned on Pinterest a few days ago. Ice cubes made out of coffee for all of your iced and frozen coffee drinks! Ermahgerd! Kerfee! Since posting on facebook, my totally stolen from Pinterest ingenious idea, my childhood bestie K suggested using xanathum gum to "keep it from seperating." I really don't know what that means...I'm assuming it's something that happens when you make a frapp. I won't be doing that in the morning anytime soon as long as the hubs is working nights. He might make his own very realistic zombie impression if I bust out the blender at 5:30 am. My "soul twin" Christel also reminded me that I could use said coffee iced cubes in a glass of Bailey's. Probably not first thing in the morning, but I'll make damned sure to try that one of these weekends.

So I know my caffeine addiction is a problem. I'm sure that it will push me toward an early grave and I should try whatever herbal remedy you're ready to throw at me. Plus I should exercise and hug trees and volunteer and adopt kitties and then my chakra will be aligned and the mother earth Gaia will keep me naturally energized and awake. Um yeah, the next gym isn't for like 20 miles. I'm allergic to trees and kitties...and volunteering (ok not the last one but the other two for sure). So spare me hipsters. We all have our own brand of poison and I think as long as mine is coffee and not heroin, I'm on a pretty good path.

***And no I do not want to try Spark from AdvoCare. I swear to Josh that I will unfriend your butt in a matter of seconds if you try pushing that crap on me. You can partake in any pyramid scheme you want but I don't want any part of it. No ma'am.

YouTube Tuesday: The New Girl

Hey there strangers! Long time no blog, right? Sorry about that. We are still very much in an adjustment phase at the new house. I promise, once it doesn't look like a bunch squatters with hoarding tendencies live there, I will share pics.

I am also very much in an adjustment phase at work. Every one is really nice here, and it's the same job I've had for like...forever but it's still always strange to become a member of leadership at a new store. It's all like "Hey I just met you, and this is crazy. But this is your job. Do it maybe?" hahaha oh I just kill myself. Just kidding. That was lame and I know it. Anywho, in honor of being the new girl at work I thought I would utilize YouTube Tuesday to share one of my favorite television shows. If you haven't seen Fox's The New Girl yet, you're cray cray. It's bar none one of the funniest shows I've watched.

Zooey Deschanel plays Jess Day, a quirky hipsterette who moves in with three guys after a bad break-up. Jess has serious chemistry with one of the guys, Nick, a bartender with mild hygiene issues. Schmidt is always there to provide douchey comic relief and Winston is not just a token African American character...okay so maybe he is. But he's funny anyway. I hope this clip inspires you to become giant New Girl fans like us...and maybe come over and play The New Girl Drinking Game (that I invented and will share with you on another post).

What up dao?

I'm not dead.

I promise.

This past weekend we moved into our new house and we won't have the interwebs set up until Monday. I'm not really comfortable blogging at my new workplace except when I'm on lunch, and 30 minutes really just isn't enough time to say what I wants to say.

See ya next week kiddos!

Wedding Recap Wednesday: Other People's Wedding

Since we are moving this weekend, the whole house (or at least a solid 70% of it) is packed up and ready to move including the desk-top computer where I do my wedding recap blog posts. So this week I want to share with you some of the brides that provided inspiration for our wedding. Oh I'm sorry. Did I just rock your world? No, I did not have many original thoughts during wedding planning. You can go ahead and pick your jaw up off of the floor now.

Note: I had a single source for all of these ideas. Weddingbee was more than a source for inspiration. It also acted as a catharsis when I thought I was going to go cray cray. Here are the wedding-blogging brides that rocked my world for two years.

Mrs. Cannon
Mrs. Cucumber Sandwich
Mrs. Dalmation
Mrs. High Wire
Mrs. Honey (seriously, I stole like half of her wedding. even the precipitation)
Mrs. Jaguar (the first weddingbee bride I stumbled on...so thankful for that google search)
Mrs. Lioness
Mrs. Panther
Mrs. Unicycle
Mrs. Waffle (Austin-y goodness)
Mrs. Zebra (she's still my favorite blogger. possibly my favorite imaginary interwebs friend. it was her recaps that got me through the last couple of weeks where I wanted to go on a murder spree)

You might be thinking, what's with the weird names? Do all of these people have cartoon husbands? No, their husbands are very real and dashing to boot. The monikers are simply "just a hive thing."

YouTube Tuesday: 2012 London Olympics

I have a problem. I am utterly obsessed with the Olympics. Like, it's not even remotely ok how much I watch the Olympic games. For the record, I do not have an athletic bone in my body and I normally hate televised sports. Seriously, all televised baseball games should be solely sponsored by Ambien (my apologies to all of my die-hard Rangers fan friends...I just don't get it). So it goes without saying that my utter need to watch every (and I mean every) Olympic game is totes bazaar.

lolz

Rex-Kwon-Do...fashion genius

With the Summer games well under way, I thought it would be fun to review some of the ridiculous things the commentators say. "In this arena tonight are some of the world's best gymnasts."---Umm no shit Sherlock. Alas, there aren't any really good videos compiling all of the stupid comments so far from this year. So in it's stead, here are the 2012 Kitty Cat Olympics. Enjoy!